Come to think of it, I could just make up my own religion. I mean, last night I was visited by an angel, and he told me that I must found a new faith in order to save the souls of all of humanity. Basically, everyone has to give me $1000 per day, and gargle my scrotum for at least ten minutes per week, or upon their passing from the mortal coil, they will be sent to the Plane of Nurples for all eternity, where various imps and goblins will continuously attack and twist their nipples with clamps.
Sure, I could just be full of shit, but why take that chance? Surely it's worth going through the motions just to avoid the possibility of eternal nipple cripples, yes?