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Community => Religion and Philosophy => Topic started by: rtvc2012 on January 20, 2012, 03:27:28 pm

Title: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rtvc2012 on January 20, 2012, 03:27:28 pm
Bringing this thread back as well

- You call for a boycott of electrical and gas services because some of their customers are inevitably homosexuals
- You think the 2nd Amendment originated in the Bible
- You think Jesus was obsessed with abortion and homosexuality and gave precisely fuck-all about helping the poor
- You think all poor people are lazy and deserve to be poor and all rich people are saints who should be admired for how hard-working they are
- When reality and faith contradict, you accuse reality of being wrong
- You tell people they are going to hell for arbitrary offenses like voting Democrat
- You think dark skin and a name like Hussein automatically makes one a Muslim
- You use verses like "I came not to bring peace but a sword" in order to insinuate that Jesus loved war and violence as much as you do
- You think everyone who has ever lived, from Hitler to MLK, deserves eternal torture just for being born, and see nothing wrong with this mindset
- You don't care how stupid/evil/incompitent/batshit crazy a politician is, as long as s/he gives lip service to God and opposes abortion and gay marriage
- You are pro-war, pro-death penalty, anti-healthcare, anti-gun control, pro-genocide, etc...and still claim to be pro-life
- You think being a Republican, and American, and a Christian are all the same thing
- You think Clinton was president on 9/11, Obama was president when the economy tanked, and Bush was president when Bin Laden was killed
- You think you have the right to make a person's life miserable and/or prevent them from marrying the person they love because your religion says their sexual orientation is a sin
- You think being a Christian means hating the same people God hates
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 20, 2012, 03:36:41 pm
I have only one to add for now...

- You wholeheartedly believe the phrase "Freedom OF Religion, not Freedom FROM religion"
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Radiation on January 20, 2012, 03:44:25 pm
You get offended if the public school has kids read a book for their literature/English class that clashes with your beliefs.

You cry "persecution!" when new laws against discrimination are made.

You bemoan the decline of morality and blame it on the media and constantly worry about what children are being exposed to.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Eniliad on January 20, 2012, 04:02:20 pm
Heh, this could easily become like Jeff Foxworthy's "you might be a redneck if" but converted to fundieism.

If you think environmentalism means mowing the lawn... you might be a fundie (actually works for rednecks too... huh).

If you think the Koran is a new Bruce Lee movie... you might be a fundie.

If you end every prayer with "see you soon"... you might be a fundie.

If you think "adventurous sex" means "not missionary through Fruit of the Looms"... you might be a fundie.

If your viewing time of Passion of the Christ surpasses the entire extended Lord of the Rings... you might be a fundie.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rageaholic on January 20, 2012, 04:32:32 pm
-You constantly complain about the Liberal media and education system brainwashing your kids, but see nothing wrong with telling them that god is watching them and will send them to hell if they misbehave.

-You think Morgan Freeman is the devil for daring to show a god who is not an hateful angry, judgmental, asshole like yourself. 

-You base what you know of evolution on Pokemon, therefore dismissing it as false.

-You think you're one of the few "true Christians" left on this planet and that everyone else is going to hell.

-You see sex in everything, but fail to see the sexual implications of "spanking rituals" for misbehaved kids.

-You find freedom in obeying a spirit. 

-You fight tooth and nail to protect babies when they are in their mothers womb, but once they're out, you treat them as property, believing it's your god given duty to beat the hell out of them when they disobey you. 
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Kain on January 20, 2012, 05:45:25 pm
- You think "evolving from monkeys" is more dehumanising than being created from dirt.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 20, 2012, 06:00:39 pm
You condemn everyone who doesn't have the same faith as yours (or a fellow christian with a different kind of Christianity), yet you praise people like Anders Brievik and Timothy McVeigh

You claim to follow in Jesus' peaceful footsteps, yet you persecute and threaten anyone with a different faith, or doesn't have the same mindset as you.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 20, 2012, 06:13:43 pm
You condemn everyone who doesn't have the same faith as yours (or a fellow christian with a different kind of Christianity), yet you praise people like Anders Brievik and Timothy McVeigh

You claim to follow in Jesus' peaceful footsteps, yet you persecute and threaten anyone with a different faith, or doesn't have the same mindset as you.

As an addendum to the second one, you do such things while simultaneously bitching about how much of a victim you are.

-  You think that you're brave for admitting your a Christian in America, especially if you do so on FB, and try to convince everyone else to copy pasta that shit by asking them if they're "brave" enough to do so too.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Vypernight on January 20, 2012, 06:14:40 pm
Smacking your wife/gf is okay.  Her reading the 'wrong Bible' is not (true story).
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Auri-El on January 20, 2012, 07:26:40 pm
You think you're being persecuted because one of your co-workers is gay and/or has a different religion, even when they don't talk about it unless asked.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on January 20, 2012, 07:28:04 pm
If you say that the theory of evolution is degrading, but have no problem with the idea that humans are made of dirt
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: jumpingjackflash on January 20, 2012, 10:14:55 pm
Also, one thing i forgot:

Most of your arguments in a debate disregards the Treaty Of Tripoli (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treaty_of_Tripoli) or the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution).
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Ranger_Joe on January 21, 2012, 02:22:22 am
-You justify extreme cold beyond the normal range for your area as being evidence AGAINST Climate Change/Global Warming.

-You believe that Jeffery Dahmer is in Heaven because he accepted Christ as his personal savior, but Ghandi is burning in Hell right now.

-You claim to Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner but you relish at the thought of people who oppose your point of view being tortured for eternity in Hell.

-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)

-You believe the Bible is the oldest written text.

-The New Testament is the current set of rules, but Leviticus isn't replaced, because you need anything you can get to fight those icky gays.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: StallChaser on January 21, 2012, 04:40:22 am
You believe that the existence of the universe somehow proves the existence of God.
You believe that all religions other than your own are actually worshiping Satan in disguise.
You believe that you can pray away all sickness and disease, and that homosexuality is included as one of these diseases.
You believe that freedom of religion doesn't extend to any religion other than your own.
You believe that people of different religions are "abusing" freedom of religion to pick the wrong one.
You believe that anyone who doesn't believe in your religion knows they're wrong, but are rebelling against god.
You believe that everyone is born automatically believing your religion, but modern society corrupts most of them out of it.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Vypernight on January 21, 2012, 04:56:29 am
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Art Vandelay on January 21, 2012, 05:38:01 am
You think God loves us all so much that he has us tortured for all eternity for not believing that he exists while at the same time not providing any objective proof that he exists.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: TheL on January 21, 2012, 09:04:50 am
-You think Morgan Freeman is the devil for daring to show a god who is not an hateful angry, judgmental, asshole like yourself. 

For me, the one true god will always be George Burns. :P
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 21, 2012, 09:18:28 am
-You think Morgan Freeman is the devil for daring to show a god who is not an hateful angry, judgmental, asshole like yourself. 

For me, the one true god will always be George Burns. :P

Shouldn't we seek the great and mysterious 42?


   
Quote
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing".
    "But," says man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It proves you exist and so therefore you don't. QED."
    "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
    "Oh, that was easy," says man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white, and gets killed on the next zebra crossing.
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: SpaceProg on January 21, 2012, 09:26:25 am
Shouldn't we seek the great and mysterious 42?


   
Quote
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing".
    "But," says man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It proves you exist and so therefore you don't. QED."
    "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
    "Oh, that was easy," says man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white, and gets killed on the next zebra crossing.
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

LMAO.... ohhh mercy.  I'm a Christian (though quite liberal), and that bit always makes me laugh.   Just so deadpan.  Comic win.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rosenewock21 on January 21, 2012, 09:35:37 am
As am I, though a very lapsed one. I prefer to see god as some aging hippie parent who realizes he can't control what his children are doing. He loves us, wants us to make the right choice for us, and "For the love of me! Stop picking on your siblings!".
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on January 21, 2012, 11:12:07 am
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!

Yeah, that's an awesome point. XD

Consider yourself exalted. :D
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Witchyjoshy on January 21, 2012, 03:20:47 pm
-You genuinely believe that fetuses have souls and that mothers are murdering their babies when they abort.
-You repent/go to confession every time you have a wet dream
-You alternate between sinning with your friends, and repenting and yelling at your friends for sinning because you feel guilty about it.
-You honestly believe that prayer can cure cancer, broken bones, and spinal injuries
-You think illusionists are demon-possessed and using actual demon magic
-You think you know everything about evolution due to what you were taught from your creationist text book
-You non-ironically use the phrase "Evolution teaches that horses evolve into eagles!"
-You kill any snake on sight regardless of venom or threat level
-You refuse to draw dragons or be in the same room as any depiction of a dragon, because "they're devil's creatures"
-You refuse to be around goats because they're devil's creatures.
-You cry yourself to sleep at night because your best friend isn't a christian and is going to hell because of it, even though you know them to be a good person.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rookie on January 21, 2012, 04:31:27 pm
You believe the bible was written in English.
You can tell anyone who cares to listen all about the evils of Harry Potter without ever having read it.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rtvc2012 on January 22, 2012, 05:07:37 pm
You list sins in the following order of importance:

1. Homosexuality
2. Abortion
3. Believing in evolution
4. Being poor
5. Liberalism...

...1000. Murder
1001. Rape
1002. War
1003. Genocide
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Ranger_Joe on January 22, 2012, 10:40:19 pm
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!

Yeah, that's an awesome point. XD

Consider yourself exalted. :D

Thank you :) It's just what I always hear..Heaven is going to be a place of extreme luxury. So basically, they just have to be miserable while they are alive, and make others miserable, so that when they die they go to a place where everything is awesome.

Why not cut out the middle man and just be awesome while you're here on this earth and live life to the fullest, because none of us know what happens once we die. (Big hint: Chances of Heaven? Slim to none.)
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: TheL on January 23, 2012, 08:58:34 pm
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!

Pagan Centered Podcast pointed out recently that the descriptions of Valhalla and Niffleheim are curiously similar to the general descriptions of the Christian hell and heaven, respectively.  Basically, the temperature differences, the stagnation of heaven/Niffleheim vs. the constant violent activity of hell/Valhalla, that sort of thing.

I guess you could use that if "My god carries a hammer, yours was nailed to a cross" ever gets old. :P

Yeah, that's an awesome point. XD

Consider yourself exalted. :D

Thank you :) It's just what I always hear..Heaven is going to be a place of extreme luxury. So basically, they just have to be miserable while they are alive, and make others miserable, so that when they die they go to a place where everything is awesome.

Why not cut out the middle man and just be awesome while you're here on this earth and live life to the fullest, because none of us know what happens once we die. (Big hint: Chances of Heaven? Slim to none.)

EDIT: Fuck, how did my post disappear?


One of my favorite podcasts recently pointed out the curious similarities between Valhalla and the Christian hell--and that Christian heaven, with its lower temperature and lack of change, was Niffleheim.  :)
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Vermicious Knid on January 24, 2012, 03:14:34 pm
...you think a fertilized egg is a person but the woman gestating it isn't.
...you continue to pollute and abuse the earth because you figure if God thought there was a problem He'd come down and fix it.
...you present your personal opinion as the word of God, then scream at people that they have no right to speak for Him when they refute your bullshit with actual Biblical quotes.
...you think you're being religiously persecuted when your privilege is challenged and people you don't like get the same rights as you.
...you think about gay sex more often than actual gay people do.
...you refuse to allow your unmarried daughter to visit a gynecologist because her hymen might break during the pelvic exam.
...you're a sexually dysfunctional basket case and your wedding night is a disaster because you've spent your whole life being taught that sex was sinful and evil and that your virginity is the only thing that gives you value (if female) or that you're a depraved subhuman for feeling lust (if male).
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: TheL on January 24, 2012, 06:04:28 pm
...you think the idea of doing the exact same thing for eternity, with nothing ever changing, is a good thing.
...you think that the scientific method is distinct from science, and that the latter is a religion devoted to Satan.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rtvc2012 on January 24, 2012, 06:16:15 pm
You consider just about anything that people enjoy to be evil.  Ex: sex, Harry Potter, video games, drinking, R-rated movies...
You would vote for Adolf Hitler in a heartbeat as long as he was openly against abortion and gay marriage
You cannot fathom how anyone could be a Christian and not a conservative
You claim that liberals view Obama as a Messiah after spending 8 years borderline worshipping George W. Bush
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: one-shot on February 13, 2012, 09:15:08 pm
-you believe the Bible came down from heaven, and it was the KJV
-you condemn Muslims for believing they will get 72 virgins in heaven, and see no problem with believing heaven has gates made of pearls, foundation of all kinds of precious jewels, streets paved with gold, mansions, and kingly feasts
-you condemn fundamentalist Muslims for their atrocities, and yet try to implement the same laws here
-you read the ethical parts of the teachings of Jesus as if it were backwards day
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Random Gal on February 13, 2012, 11:37:37 pm
-you won't believe transitional species exist despite tons of fossil evidence.
-you will believe demons attacked someone based on an unverifiable anecdote.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: TheL on February 14, 2012, 09:54:09 am
-you won't believe transitional species exist despite tons of fossil evidence.

But where are the transitional fossils BETWEEN those transitional fossils?!  HERP DERP EVIL-LUTION IS A LIE!!!
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rtvc2012 on June 26, 2013, 05:01:31 pm
Your idea of religious persecution is not getting your way 100% of the time
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on June 26, 2013, 08:05:38 pm
You're probably a fundie if you find the idea that you are related to apes insulting but have no problem with the narrative that you were made out of dirt.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: kefkaownsall on June 26, 2013, 11:08:22 pm
If abortion is wrong but the baby dying from the mother not being able to afford care if the baby is premature
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Arctic Knight on June 26, 2013, 11:53:18 pm
You claim, "God does not send you to Hell, you send yourself to Hell," but when someone replies with, "Fine, I'll just refuse to go to Hell," you get upset and tell then they can't refuse because "they'll be sending themselves there against their own will" and somehow that makes sense to you.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: MadmanJohnson on June 29, 2013, 09:38:42 am
-You play all your children's records backwards to find the evil satanic messages.
-You think Jazz is Devil Music.
-You think Sailor Moon teaches children the Dark Arts are the path to life.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rtvc2012 on June 30, 2013, 12:00:29 am
- you think the pinko commie stuff in the Bible about loving your enemies and giving to the poor was added in by liberals
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on June 30, 2013, 12:19:39 am
You think that snarky comments, downvoted comments or simply being ignored is OPRESHUN!!!
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: R. U. Sirius on June 30, 2013, 12:30:38 am
-You think that the government acknowledging gay people exist means they're going to force you to be gay.
-You think it's possible to force someone to change their sexual orientation.
-You think the repeal of DOMA means your church is going to be forced to perform gay marriages.
-You think religious freedom means having the ability to force others to live by your religious views.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: wrightway on June 30, 2013, 01:22:30 am
You think people ignoring your paranoid ramblings, or commenting on something else, means you've "won".
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rookie on June 30, 2013, 11:50:14 am
...You can read an entire RR thread without wanting to laugh or cry.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: rtvc2012 on June 30, 2013, 12:31:59 pm
- you think homosexuality is a choice, as in, people actually CHOOSE to subject themselves to hatred, discrimination, and the possibility of being assaulted or murdered on a daily basis.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Dr. Weird on June 30, 2013, 07:07:08 pm
Spoilered for length.  I have a lot of these lying around.

(Well, technically they were written as "More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today", but there's a lot of overlap between Fundies and the GOP nowadays)

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: poeticmind0189 on June 30, 2013, 10:38:42 pm
Instead of Christians converting Pagans by using Pagan celebrations, Pagans supposedly converted Pagans by using pagan celebrations. (Some guy told me this in a coffee shop) face palm
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Zygarde on June 30, 2013, 10:52:55 pm
You think all pagans are devil worshipers and sacrifice babies and animals to their dark god Satan.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: MadmanJohnson on July 01, 2013, 06:31:39 am
-You think GodJesus is a real word.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Vypernight on July 01, 2013, 06:45:15 am
Spoilered for length.  I have a lot of these lying around.

(Well, technically they were written as "More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today", but there's a lot of overlap between Fundies and the GOP nowadays)

(click to show/hide)

Looks like my Facebook page during the last election.  What a way to kill my mood during Halloween.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Barbarella on July 01, 2013, 01:49:25 pm
You assume everyone who doesn't share your fundie insanity is an atheist, even if a good chunk of there are theistic, perhaps churchgoing, people of faith themselves.

You think that atheists are literally non-human, diabolic entities rather than nice normal people who don't believe in a Supreme Deity.

You see no contradiction between opposing faiths, philosophies & political systems. They're all stuff you hate, therefore they must be all the same! Muslim Atheist Communist Nazi Hippies anyone?
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Witchyjoshy on July 01, 2013, 03:25:03 pm
You think that Samhain was a druidic ritual that involved taking the firstborn of a random person's house and sacrificing it to their dark god, and that's why Halloween is evil.

...You also perpetuate the idea that Samhain is pronounced "Sam-Hayne" and don't even bother to be corrected when someone points out that it's pronounced "Sow-en"
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Iconic Komodo Dragon 2 on July 16, 2013, 09:57:02 pm
-believe vaccines are extremely harmful and should be avoided always but keep a loaded gun on your bedstand
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Iconic Komodo Dragon 2 on July 20, 2013, 08:46:44 pm
You think vaccines cause cancer, AIDS, Impotence, and Mental Illness but think Homeopathic medicine can cure anything.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: PosthumanHeresy on July 23, 2013, 05:18:24 pm
You think all good music will send you to hell.
You cannot let go of Amazing fucking Grace.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Beezlebub on July 24, 2013, 02:50:50 am
You think people not acting exactly like you infringes your rights.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: mythbuster43 on July 24, 2013, 06:46:01 am
You think that opposing the Uganda laws calling for the death penalty against homosexuals is "persecuting Christians."

I'm not making that up by the way. I can think of four insane lunatics (Cliff Kincaid, Todd Starnes, Matt Barber, and Scott Lively) who have claimed this or something similar to it.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: Iconic Komodo Dragon 2 on July 24, 2013, 01:41:03 pm
...your sources of information will become unreliable as soon as you finish agreeing with them.
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: the_ignored on July 24, 2013, 06:40:55 pm
If one of your own who admits to being a sexual predator is still regarded higher than an honest biologist.

To see what I'm talking about:  here (http://www.christianchronicle.org/article2042006~Longtime_director_of_Apologetics_Press_fired).
Title: Re: You're probably a fundie if...
Post by: guizonde on July 29, 2013, 09:58:25 pm
you think that metalheads crucify cats upside down, and do so in a ceremony involving wearing a dead goat.

you think that metal is OBVIOUSLY (and obligatorily) satanist.

you think that pen and paper role-playing games are a gateway to satan/the occult/demonic possession/suicide.

(i wish that i was making this up, but this has been said to me by my village's very open-minded curate, talking about my lifestyle)

he's open-minded insofar as we can have civil conversation despite our vastly different lifestyles, i usually talk to him as i'm going to bed, and he's getting ready for the 6am call of the pious. but at least he's getting better about it, and we've had absolutely lovely discussions about faith, despite him calling me an infidel. he's a great guy  :)