FSTDT Forums

Rubbish => Preaching and Worship => Topic started by: Jacob Harrison on August 29, 2018, 09:19:52 pm

Title: A very important announcement
Post by: Jacob Harrison on August 29, 2018, 09:19:52 pm
I did further research in English history and did research on the Anglo Saxon period. After Æthelred I of Wessex died in 871, his brother Alfred the Great became King despite the fact that he had two sons who later fought to claim their rightful thrones but were defeated.

Æthelred’s descendant by 1066 was ironically Harold Godwinson. Since his legitimate sons didn’t seem to have heirs, I am now tracing the line of succession from his brother Tostig to find the rightful heir.

Because of this, I am now pissed off that the Catholic Church gave a blessing to William the Conqueror’s invasion and am converting to Anglicanism again. Now I can masturbate again!

I was also recently visited by my parallel self from a parallel universe and a wizard merged us into one causing me to have memories from the parallel universe so now I am going to write about what happened in that universe to promote the English monarchist legitimist cause and how the rightful heirs can be restored and to teach a lesson on extramarital sex. It often causes disasters, though it is rare that it causes a Kingdom to fall like it did in the parallel universe. There are probably parallel universes where Republics fell over a cuckold.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: dpareja on August 29, 2018, 09:27:39 pm
I thought Harold swore an oath to William to give him the crown.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Jacob Harrison on August 29, 2018, 09:31:17 pm
I thought Harold swore an oath to William to give him the crown.

I now realize it was done under duress.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: dpareja on August 29, 2018, 09:32:22 pm
I thought Harold swore an oath to William to give him the crown.

I now realize it was done under duress.

But wasn't it an oath before God, one which can't be broken?
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 29, 2018, 09:35:21 pm
Two days. That has to be a new record.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Jacob Harrison on August 29, 2018, 09:42:16 pm
I thought Harold swore an oath to William to give him the crown.

I now realize it was done under duress.

But wasn't it an oath before God, one which can't be broken?

According to the Catholic Church it was an oath before God. To the English it was a forced oath.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: davedan on August 29, 2018, 09:59:14 pm
Why do you keep getting merged by Wizards? Sounds a bit suss to me.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: dpareja on August 29, 2018, 11:16:47 pm
http://forums.fstdt.net/index.php?topic=7897.msg317062#msg317062
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Kanzenkankaku on August 30, 2018, 03:53:27 am
If you convert to a different branch of Christianity a certain number of times do you get a free coffee or something? Like one of those punch cards.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: niam2023 on August 30, 2018, 04:02:59 am
...you know, I think he's doing this entirely to make the plot of Parallel Hero completely nonsensical.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Jacob Harrison on August 30, 2018, 06:36:07 am
...you know, I think he's doing this entirely to make the plot of Parallel Hero completely nonsensical.

Well King Jaime can always be a son of one of the true heirs so it does not interfere with Parallel hero.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: dpareja on August 30, 2018, 10:11:49 am
You really shouldn't be Anglican, since that denomination was established by a post-William monarch. You should probably convert to one of the popular religions in England circa 1060. (Which may mean remaining Catholic, of course.)
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on August 30, 2018, 04:42:50 pm
Of course it makes your conversion business, both spiritual and political a bit fraught. Which true religion/monarch were we supposed to be barracking for today again?
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: niam2023 on August 30, 2018, 07:55:54 pm
He should probably convert to Norse / Woden Worship. I hear Stinky the Barbarian is always looking for more schmucks to talk to about his Robin Hood Fanfic astonishing prophecy.

Its also the religion of the oldest, anglo-saxonest of lunatics.

...I really hope he goes for this. I do.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Jacob Harrison on August 30, 2018, 08:37:22 pm
You really shouldn't be Anglican, since that denomination was established by a post-William monarch. You should probably convert to one of the popular religions in England circa 1060. (Which may mean remaining Catholic, of course.)

But since the Catholic Church supported Williams invasion, I should convert to a Church associated with England since there isn’t other options.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Art Vandelay on August 30, 2018, 09:48:08 pm
You could always go Wiccan. They're not even trying to hide the fact that they're just making it up as they go along, so it should be perfect for you and your cause.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Eiki-mun on August 30, 2018, 11:57:31 pm
You really shouldn't be Anglican, since that denomination was established by a post-William monarch. You should probably convert to one of the popular religions in England circa 1060. (Which may mean remaining Catholic, of course.)

But since the Catholic Church supported Williams invasion, I should convert to a Church associated with England since there isn’t other options.

There's always Saxon neo-paganism.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Tolpuddle Martyr on August 31, 2018, 12:40:04 am
You really shouldn't be Anglican, since that denomination was established by a post-William monarch. You should probably convert to one of the popular religions in England circa 1060. (Which may mean remaining Catholic, of course.)

But since the Catholic Church supported Williams invasion, I should convert to a Church associated with England since there isn’t other options.
Form your own church, given your spotless record of conversions what could possibly go wrong?
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: niam2023 on August 31, 2018, 01:26:24 am
Guys, guys, Jacob tried making his own church already, you recall his little blogspot page, right?

That was SUCH a riproaring success...
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Skybison on August 31, 2018, 01:52:10 am
Jacob I almost admire your dedication to finding this rightful king but you need to understand something.  The reason every time you think you've found him another issue comes up and you need to look elsewhere is because that's how all of history went.  There is no true heir to find, just more theft, conquest, force and sexual misdeeds.  Your hunt for the true heir will send you back further and further until you run out of accurate written records and then what will you do?

You'd be better off just trying to start a new royal line from scratch then continue this futile quest. 
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: dpareja on August 31, 2018, 02:05:35 am
Or accepting the will of the people as expressed through Parliament.

But, again, the Anglican Church is illegitimate, as it was established by an illegitimate monarch. England at the time was mostly Catholic, so you should also be Catholic.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: niam2023 on August 31, 2018, 02:26:06 am
Jacob I almost admire your dedication to finding this rightful king but you need to understand something.  The reason every time you think you've found him another issue comes up and you need to look elsewhere is because that's how all of history went.  There is no true heir to find, just more theft, conquest, force and sexual misdeeds.  Your hunt for the true heir will send you back further and further until you run out of accurate written records and then what will you do?

You'd be better off just trying to start a new royal line from scratch then continue this futile quest.

...Do you REALLY want to give him that kind of an idea?
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: Askold on August 31, 2018, 03:49:24 am
The Anglican church was created because one guy wanted to get a divorce.

Pastafarism was created to fuck with people who wanted Creationism to be considered as valid as science.

Mormonism was created to let one guy have lots of wives.
Title: Re: A very important announcement
Post by: ironbite on August 31, 2018, 08:20:15 am
Ironbitism was created in order to justify killing morons on the internet.

Ironbite-you see how this works?