Hollywood: Completely Out of Ideas

[Damen]

Remember when you started seeing plans for Hollywood remakes? Seems like all they were coming out with was remakes and preludes. Well, guess what; now I just saw an ad for a remake of...Total Recall. No, I'm not kidding. So, I wanted to see what other classic movies Hollywood is planning to buttrape.

What I found was...well...see a sample for yourself.

http://www.nextmovie.com/blog/upcoming-movie-remakes/

'Dredd'
Attached: Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby
Status: The good news for director Pete Travis ("Vantage Point") and star Urban ("Star Trek," "The Lord of the Rings") is that they won't have to do much to meet fan expectations; Sylvester Stallone's 1995 version of "Judge Dredd" is widely considered the low point of his career and led to a decade of flops and cameos. Better news for fans: "28 Days Later" scribe Alex Garland, who is handling the screenplay, has vowed to return to the character's original, gritty comic book roots. Karl Urban ("The Lord of the Rings," "Star Trek") takes over the lead.
Release Date/Year: September 21, 2012

'Red Dawn'
Attached: Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck, Josh Hutcherson, Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Status: Hemsworth ("Thor") headlines this updating of the 1984 Cold War classic, which this time around features an invasion from China rather than the Soviet Union. First-time director and former stuntman Dan Bradley has kept the rest of the premise intact, so expect to see plenty of heroics from America's youth as they lead a Midwestern resistance against our commie foes. This film was completed in 2009 and has been delayed several times by its struggling distributor, MGM; with Hemsworth becoming a star, though, it may finally see the light of dawn, so to speak.
Release Date/Year: November 2, 2012 (supposedly)

'Dirty Dancing'
Attached: N/A
Status: The idea of remaking the beloved 1987 hit "Dirty Dancing" may seem kind of crazy -- just who are they going to find to fill Patrick Swayze's shoes, anyway? -- but then again, remaking "Footloose" seemed like a bad idea, and that turned out just fine. Plus, "Dirty Dancing" does have "High School Musical" mastermind Kenny Ortega on board to direct, so even though there are no stars attached and the script is currently being rewritten, we have faith things will come together in time for them to meet their aggressive release date.
Release Date/Year: July 26, 2013

'Annie'
Attached: Willow Smith
Status: Willow Smith is set to take on the role of a precocious girl with a knack for singing and a multi-millionaire daddy. Hmm. But Smith isn't the only big name attached to the remake of the 1982 hit (which was based on a musical, which was based on a comic strip, which was based on ur mom); not only is her father, Will Smith, coproducing alongside Jay-Z, but Emma Thompson is also on board as the screenwriter. Sounds like a winner.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Carrie'
Attached: N/A
Status: Back in 1976, audiences shivered at the sight of Sissy Spacek being doused with pig's blood by a-hole high school students and then taking her revenge through the therapeutic application of telekinesis. Considering how iconic that film has become in the annals of horror movies, remaking it will be a tall task, but MGM is planning to do that, tapping writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa ("Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark," of all things) to craft a more modern, more "grounded" version. At least the director is someone who knows a thing or two about the difficulties that face girls growing up these days; Kimberly Peirce, who directed "Boys Don't Cry," is in talks to helm the remake.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Child's Play'
Attached: Brad Dourif
Status: Universal is keeping the details of their latest deadly doll adventure under close wraps, but we do know that original writer Don Mancini is back on board -- and this time around he'll be directing as well. Also back for another go-round is Brad Dourif, who will once again provide the voice of Chucky. This film was originally slated to be made in 2011, but despite having a completed script, Universal is hedging on whether the film will be made at all; if it is, then 2013 is the earliest date for it.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Evil Dead'
Attached: Lily Collins
Status: Move over, Ash, because there's a new version of "The Evil Dead" on its way to theaters -- and in this one, it's a femme fatale doing the demon-slaying. Yep: 30-plus years after Sam Raimi's original "Evil DeaD" introduced the world to Bruce Campbell, director Fede Alvaraz has decided to sidestep comparisons by rejiggering the story to focus on one of the ladies present at the haunted cabin in the woods. And since "Mirror Mirror's" Lily Collins is going to be playing the new lead character -- described as a woman named Mia struggling with addiction -- well, we might not forget Ash entirely, but we're certainly eager to see the 21st century edition as well. You know what they say: Speak softly and carry a big boomstick.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Mad Max: Fury Road'
Attached: Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Zoë Kravitz
Status: Hardy follows up "Inception" and "The Dark Knight Rises" with an even more action-packed role; this new take on Mel Gibson's classic "Mad Max" reportedly features over 300 different stunts. Gibson isn't expected to appear in the film, which may be a good thing considering his current status as Hollywood pariah (and his last bomb, "The Beaver"). Filming is set to begin in March.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Pet Sematary'
Attached: N/A
Status: Stephen King's classic horror novel "Pet Sematary" is about to get its second adaptation courtesy of "Transformers" producer Lorenzo di Bonaventuara, who has already brought "1408" scribe Matt Greenberg and "Invasion" writer David Kajhanich on board to pen an R-rated version. Alexandre Aja ("Piranha") is currently being courted to helm this one, so take that for what it's worth.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Point Break'
Attached: N/A
Status: The original "Point Break," which starred Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves as surfers who moonlight as thieves who moonlight as FBI agents, was directed by Kathryn Bigelow, who since has gone on to win an Oscar. Who will direct and star in the remake is yet to be determined, but we'll know soon enough. Alcon Entertainment has put the movie on their fast track, and they hope to land a director as soon as possible to rush the film into production for a 2013 release.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Robocop'
Attached: Jose Padilha (director)
Status: Now that MGM is out of financial difficulty and back on its feet, things can proceed on this remake of the classic 1987 sci-fi satire. It will, however, proceed without acclaimed director Darren Aronofsky ("The Wrestler," "Black Swan"), who dropped out and has been replaced by Jose Padilha; similarly,"Road to Perdition" scribe David Self has been swapped out for newbie Joshua Zetumer.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Short Circuit'
Attached: N/A
Status: "Paul Blart: Mall Cop" director Steve Carr was developing this remake of the 1986 fan favorite about a sentient robot named Johnny Five who goes on the lam. He has since dropped out, but don't worry, because "Hop" director Tim Hill has stepped in instead. We'll leave it to you to decide if "Hop" is an upgrade from "Paul Blart" or not. On the plus side, "Robot Chicken" and "Greg the Bunny" scribe Dan Milano has been tapped to write the screenplay, which is being produced by "Collateral Damage's" David Foster for Dimension Films.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'The Birds'
Attached: Naomi Watts
Status: Everything is in place for this big-budget remake of Alfred Hitchcock's classic 1963 horror film "The Birds": the movie has a director (Dennis Iliadis), a bankable star (Naomi Watts) and a completed screenplay (writers too numerous to mention). What it doesn’t have yet is a greenlight from Universal, which explains why the original 2011 release date has been pushed to 2013 -- or maybe further. For a film that's been in development for nearly six years now, what's a couple more between friends?
Release Date/Year: 2013 (?)

'The Crow'
Attached: N/A
Status: Despite the fact that no lead has yet been selected, this update of the 1994 goth comic-book adventure is still on track for a 2013 release. Of course, it was firmly on track for a 2011 release, but directors Stephen Norrington ("The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen") and Juan Carlos Fresnadillo ("28 Weeks Later") have both since come and gone, forcing the studio to regroup again as legal issues cloud distribution rights. Don't worry, "Crow" fans; undead goth makeup never goes out of style, so don't give up hope.
Release Date/Year: 2013

'Starship Troopers'
Attached: N/A
Status: "Starship Troopers" is an interesting choice to remake considering the original franchise never actually went away. In fact, a fourth installment in the series about soldiers fighting space bugs in a future created by sci-fi author Robert Heinlein is due to arrive next year. Still, since only hardcore fans have hung around for every direct-to-DVD travesty since the original came out in 1997, maybe the idea of a remake from "X-Men: First Class" and "Thor" writers Edward Miller and Zack Stentz makes sense; after all, it's obvious the series has long-term potential. Unless you're a space bug.
Release Date/Year: 2014

'The NeverEnding Story'
Attached: N/A
Status: Frank Marshall may seem like an unlikely choice to reinvent the 1984 fantasy about a kid who travels to an alternate universe and rides and befriends a giant luckdragon; after all, he's best known for producing adult fare like "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and the "Bourne" series. Still, he has the experience to help untangle the complex legal issues regarding the film rights, and with Leonardo DiCaprio also on board as an executive producer, "The NeverEnding Story" may finally be close to having a beginning.
Release Date/Year: 2014

'WarGames'
Attached:
Status: Coming off of "Horrible Bosses," director Seth Gordon had a lot of options. The one he decided to go with? Remaking the 1983 techno-thriller "WarGames," which starred Matthew Broderick as possibly the world's first ever hacker -- and certainly the first to accidentally cause thermonuclear global warfare. This might be the remake that makes the most sense ever, as today's technology has finally caught up with the concept. They're still working on a script, but you know what they say: Give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of iPads ...
Release Date/Year: 2014

'An American Werewolf in London'
Attached: N/A
Status: Producer Sean Furst knows a thing or two about horror remakes, having helped bring "Let Me In" and "The Crazies" updates to the screen. He and his brother, coproducer Bryan Furst, have optioned "An American Werewolf in London" and have hired "The Number 23" writer Fernley Phillips to pen the screenplay. Decisions about cast and crew are awaiting the script's completion.
Release Date/Year: Unknown

'Commando'
Attached: Writer-director David Ayer
Scoop: "Training Day" writer David Ayer has written a revamped, modernized take on the 1985 Arnold Schwarzenegger "classic" about a killer mercenary who mows down dozens of a-holes to rescue his kidnapped daughter. He's also eager to direct it. For now, though, 20th Century Fox is still trying to find an actor who can fill The Governator's shoes. It could be a long wait.
Release Date: Unknown

'Creature From the Black Lagoon'
Attached: Channing Tatum (rumored)
Status: "Creature From the Black Lagoon" has been going through a bit of a creative carousel, as first time director Carl Rinsch was supposed to have the job after "Sahara" director Breck Eisner passed. Screenwriter Gary Ross penned the updated script and is the son of original "Creature From the Black Lagoon" writer Arthur Ross -- and since Ross is currently in the process of directing "The Hunger Games," there's every chance he may end up stepping in to help this passion project himself. When he'll have the time is an issue, though, so there's not even a tentative release date on this one yet.
Release Date/Year: Unknown

'Escape From New York'
Attached: Timothy Olyphant or Bradley Cooper
Status: Fresh from his success reworking the cult horror film "The Crazies," director Breck Eisner has turned his attention to John Carpenter's sci-fi nightmare "Escape From New York," which imagines a future where the Big Apple is a giant prison. Olyphant and Cooper are currently under consideration to take over Kurt Russell's role as one-eyed badass Snake Plissken, but no deal has yet been signed with either. Plus, New Line dropped out, leaving Breck with everything except a studio where he can make the movie. Which is a problem.
Release Date/Year: Unknown

'Lethal Weapon'
Attached: N/A
Status: Joel Silver, who produced the original "Lethal Weapon" franchise, is back on board for the Warner Bros. remake. Will Beall, who cut his teeth writing for the hit TV series "Castle," is also signed up as writer. Who will star -- or when it will be made, or who will direct, or pretty much everything else -- is still unknown pending the script being completed.
Release Date/Year: Unknown

'Overboard'
Attached: Jennifer Lopez, Julian Scott Urena
Status: J.Lo is set to take time out from her "American Idol" judging gig to star in the remake of the 1989 romantic comedy that originally paired real-life couple Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn as a mismatched pair that meets cute (sorta) after she tumbles off a ship. Will Smith is producing.
Release Date/Year: Unknown

'Porky's'
Attached: Howard Stern! Sort of.
Status: Howard Stern has been ramrodding this remake of the raunchy 1981 teenage sex comedy through the system, with little success to show for it. In 2010 a script was completed, but before production could be started, a bunch of legal wrangling got the project stuck in limbo again. If Stern gets his way, things will kick off shortly; if not, he'll have to wait until 2014 for a chance to get the rights again. We're keeping our eye to the legal peephole and will report on progress as soon as it happens.
Release Date/Year:Unknown

'Romancing the Stone'
Attached: Katherine Heigl (rumored), Gerard Butler (rumored)
Status: 20th Century Fox is still in the early stages of this remake of the 1984 adventure movie that starred Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner as an unlikely couple who spars over a giant gemstone. "Killers" director Robert Luketic was rumored to be eying the film as a possible vehicle for Katherine Heigl -- possibly opposite Heigl's "The Ugly Truth' costar Gerard Butler -- but Luketic has reportedly moved on, leaving "Eagle Eye" writer Dan McDermott's "Romancing the Stone" screenplay up in the air for now.
Release Date/Year: Unknown

'Scarface'
Attached: N/A
Status: Screenwriter David Ayer ("Training Day") has a big task ahead of him in his effort to craft a modern remake of "Scarface." But before you start whipping out your "little friend" jokes, consider this: Al Pacino's 1983 version of "Scarface" was itself a remake of a 1932 gangster film. So this isn't exactly blasphemy, it's more like inevitability. Ayer just began work a couple months ago, so this one is still a long way off. Now, go ahead and start quoting.
Release Date/Year: Unknown

There are more on the list, but these are the ones I am familiar with. The grand total number on the list is fucking 50 movies planned and they're trying so hard to be optimistic.

On the upshot, I keep hearing about people approving of the planned remake of Death Note so...yeah...

[Cataclysm]

You know, this makes me more sad than making movies based off board games. At least those have their own story.

[nickiknack]

1. Ugh, I'm so fucking sick of remakes....

2. Umm, haven't they done both remakes of Carrie & The Birds before??

[Dakota Bob]

I'm pretty sure "Dredd" isn't a remake of the Stallone film.

Also, "Escape from New York" remake? I do not think I have a .gif that best describes my displeasure with this idea.

[Sleepy]

No one can remake The Birds. Jesus christ, accept that no version will score anywhere near Hitchcock's.

[Askold]

I would like to see the Dredd remake for two reasons:

1. Maybe this time Dredd will keep his helmet on.

2. NO ROB SCHNEIDER!

But I'm not looking forward to seeing most of those remakes. Some of those movies are such classics that I doubt a remake could gain the same popularity, especially since it seems that they are just trying to cash on the popularity of the original film. Some only worked because they were "so bad its good" so a big budget remake will not work.

[SpaceProg]

Most of those movies aren't even that old... Geez.   

Making me feel like I need to be in AARP or something...

[shykid]

There should be some unspoken rule that movies should be at least fifty years old to be remade.

No one can remake The Birds. Jesus christ, accept that no version will score anywhere near Hitchcock's.

I'm trying to reserve my judgment on the remake of The Birds until I see it, but I'm extremely skeptical it will come close to equaling the Hitchcock version, much less exceeding it. Something tells me that only Hitchcock could take such a silly and narmy premise and make it legitimately horrifying, so a trainwreck worse than the 1998 remake of Psycho with Celestia Anne Heche would hardly be surprising.

Umm, haven't they done both remakes of Carrie & The Birds before??

ETA: As far as I know, there hasn't been another remake of The Birds, but Carrie has already gotten an awful made-for-tv remake and sequel. IIRC, Sissy Spacek (rightfully) flipped her lid over it, and even Stephen King (whose opinion of films made from his books tends to be a bit too generous and forgiving) shamed it.

[RavynousHunter]

Uhh...remaking Evil Dead?  Without Ash or even so much as a cameo from Bruce Campbell?  Replacing him, instead, with a quote "femme fatale?"  Fuck that noise.  If it doesn't have Bruce fucking Campbell, its not Evil Dead.

[Meshakhad]

There should be some unspoken rule that movies should be at least fifty years old to be remade.

My rule is 18 years - one generation.

[SpaceProg]

Only 18 years?  That's like no time at all... that's like... well... now. 
I believe good movies can last several generations at least.  I'm more in agreement with Shy.

[Bezron]

Just gonna leave this here...

The Evil Dead (2013)
It had been confirmed that a remake would be made of The Evil Dead. It will be produced by Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi, but will not include the Ash character. It was also said that the movie would be about a group of teenagers that go to the cabin and find the book, and the similarities with the original would end there.[8]
However, in August 2007, Bruce Campbell revealed in a radio interview that the proposed remake was "going nowhere" and "fizzled" due to extremely negative fan reaction.[9]
More recently, rumors have suggested that a re-write of a script is being reviewed and Bruce Campbell suggested that in true style of Sam Raimi's films he would do a cameo role, jokingly suggesting that it would be a remake/sequel and Knowby's ghost would be replaced by ghostly Ash.
In July 2008, Raimi stated that he intends to work with his brother Ivan in the development of a sequel, not a remake, and Campbell further supported this by saying that The Evil Dead remake was no longer a possibility.
In April 2011, Bruce Campbell did an AskMeAnything interview on Reddit.com, saying "Newsflash: We are remaking Evil Dead. The script is awesome. I will be one of the producers and possibly play the milk man".[10] He added "In all honesty, we would all love to make another Evil Dead movie. When that will happen? Who can say – we're all working on other jobs right now. We're not trying to dodge anybody's questions, there just isn't that much to talk about. The remake's gonna kick ass – you have my word".[11] On July 13, 2011 it was officially announced, via a press release, that Ghost House Pictures would be producing the upcoming remake of The Evil Dead, with Diablo Cody in the process of revising the script and Fede Alvarez chosen as the director.[12] Actor Shiloh Fernandez is reported cast as the main lead role of David.[13] Bloody Disgusting has reported that Lily Collins is in the lead role as Mia who is a female version of Ash, but on January 24, 2012, Collins has dropped out of the role. [14][15] On February 3, 2012 it was announced that actress Jane Levy, star of the television series Suburgatory would be replacing Collins in the lead role as Mia.[16] Lou Taylor Pucci, Elizabeth Blackmore and Jessica Lucas have joined the cast for the horror film.[17][18]


So if the original team remakes it and changes it sufficiently, is it a remake or a sequel? 

[SpaceProg]

Another term producers love to use is "Re-Imagining".

[Cerim Treascair]

Am I the only one that's optimistic about some of these? a lot of these are childhood classics for me, and I'd like to see how some of them do, just for the sheer balls of re-making them.

[Witchyjoshy]

Am I the only one that's optimistic about some of these? a lot of these are childhood classics for me, and I'd like to see how some of them do, just for the sheer balls of re-making them.

I wouldn't say optimistic, but I am curious about them.