Author Topic: Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR  (Read 20108 times)

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Offline myusername

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #15 on: March 25, 2012, 05:36:25 am »
Haha Chick just got owned. Nice one!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0086/0086_01.asp this makes me laugh.

Offline Morgenleoht

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #16 on: March 25, 2012, 05:52:48 am »
Haha Chick just got owned. Nice one!

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0086/0086_01.asp this makes me laugh.

Truckers gay for Jesus?
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Offline the_ignored

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #17 on: March 25, 2012, 06:42:56 am »
That chick tract with the trucker reminds me of this parody about that same tract.


MadCatTLX:
I remember one that had a little kid that looked like a Nazi telling a "high priest"(or something),who was wearing what looked like a jester costume, that his parents were Christians. The authorities in this dystopian future come to arrest them but they find nothing because of the rapture. It was fucking funny as hell to read. I don't remember the name, but if you find it please do that one.
That chick tract you're talking about is the "The Last Generation", I believe.




Offline DharmicDalek

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2012, 07:31:17 am »
It's Settled.

I'm doing a double header of "The Last Generation" And "The Sissy" with a joke run of "The True Path"/"One Way"






You win the internet. Shiva sounds like a badass.



The goddess in the comic, and whom I worship, is Kali. The name of the episode was from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", which is a horribly racist movie and Spielberg was ashamed to have made it. As for George "Everybody Loves Jar Jar Binks" Lucas...  nobody cares what he thinks anymore.

Shiva however, is a really cool dude regardless.  This sums it up very well: http://www.sanatansociety.org/hindu_gods_and_goddesses/shiva.htm

Quote
(Boring Lecture Mode)
Basically, he is a deity of Paradoxes, he is the ascetic yogi who is severely self-denying, in the form of the God of Yoga,  he is a responsible family man, to his wife and children, and is in fact a highly sexual lover of his wife, in his role of protecting the world, and he is the mad, fire dancing deity that will destroy the universe when it comes time to do so. Hindus have a different view of life and death then we do, and none of the above is considered contradictory. It is not surprising that, despite the extremely submissive role in his relationship with her, that he would be paired up Kali, who is a deity of even greater paradox, who is both the generating lifegiving mother and destructive life ending  aspect of time. (/Boring Lecture Mode)

So yes, we have quiet a bit of fun to look forward to.

Offline SpaceProg

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2012, 01:05:36 pm »
"Roasting" Chick works.   LIke roasted chicken.  Mmmm... chicken.

Looking forward to your stuff, Dharmic. :D

Offline Osama bin Bambi

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2012, 05:43:09 pm »
I'll try my hand at "Where's Rabbi Waxman?" http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0014/0014_01.asp

This needs a theme song, so...

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESNCWrks6vQ" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESNCWrks6vQ</a>



Jack Chick draws like shit. The tracts with decent art are not drawn by him, but by other artists. After suffering a stroke, he started drawing people's faces a little more wonky, so he probably doesn't draw most of his own tracts anymore. (He probably does all the batshit crazy writing, though.)

The man on the cover is a Hasidic Jew. Hasidic Jews are... quite fundie. They like to obey a shitload of ancient laws in the most literal way possible. A fundie trying to characterize another fundie? This should be interesting. Of course, this also means I'll have to explain things from an Orthodox Jewish theological perspective.



First of all, what the hell is with all the strange font changes? Are they supposed to represent emphasis on the word, like in a MAD Magazine comic? Then why are they so inconsistent? Reading this aloud sounds like the disembodied voice of a certain computer who is fond of science. Which is just plain weird. Who talks like this? Chick, if you can't get the tones of their voices right, you should probably just omit it altogether.

Judaism does have in its  belief system the eventual coming of a Messiah. There are a number of reasons why Jesus does not fulfill the Jewish requirement of "Messiah", but naturally Jack Chick will not list any of them here. This is not meant as an attack on Christianity, simply an explanation on why Jews do not accept him as the Messiah.

1) The Messiah must be a direct descendant of King David on his father's side. Because Jesus was born of a Virgin birth, he cannot be the Messiah as he literally has no human father, let alone a father descended from King David.

2) The Messiah will cause all war to cease to exist, and usher in an age of peace instead. Jesus, on the other hand, outright admits that he has come to bring "not peace, but a sword" (Matthew 10:45). Furthermore, even though Jesus as already come, there is still war. (There are some Jewish groups that are more fundie than the Hasidic Jews who believe that because the re-establishment of Israel has brought war to the region, it is not a legitimate state.)

3) If the prospective Messiah dies without completing their mission, they are not the Messiah. 'Nuff said.

Furthermore, Jews do not believe in a concept of "salvation" because in Judaism there is no concept of "original sin" that tainted people with sinful natures. Skip the quotes if you want to avoid the infodump.

Quote from: infodump
In Judaism, a person's soul is a mixture of holy and animal desires. A person's animal soul is not a bad thing, it is simply a fact of life, and when it is properly channeled it can bring about good things. For example, sexual desire is not inherently good or evil. In its good form, it motivates people to start families and have children. In its evil form, it motivates people to commit rape. It is a person's evil inclination that tries to tempt a person into letting their animal inclinations do forbidden things. G-d tempts people on purpose to test them - in fact, Satan is an angel of his that was created especially for this purpose.




The concept of Jews being the "Chosen People" is one of the most frequently misunderstood. Some antisemites take it to mean that the Jews secretly think they're better than those dumb heathen goyim everyone else. The Jews were chosen by G-d so that he could reveal the truth of monotheism to them, but in exchange they and all their descendants have to follow more religious laws and are held to a higher standard in general.

Of course, to fundie Christians, being Chosen means that you're G-d's personal plot device.

Furthermore, in Judaism, all righteous people have a place in Heaven. G-d rewards people for their actions, not their beliefs.

http://www.jewfaq.org/gentiles.htm

Quote
Judaism maintains that the righteous of all nations have a place in the world to come. This has been the majority rule since the days of the Talmud. Judaism generally recognizes that Christians and Moslems worship the same G-d that we do and those who follow the tenets of their religions can be considered righteous in the eyes of G-d.





You see, in the world of Jack Chick, if you're not a Christian, then you're either 1) an asshole, 2) somehow completely ignorant of Christianity (often despite all common sense), or 3) a hypocrite who knows that Christianity is true, but refuses to follow it, usually for reasons related to category #1.

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew. A Jew who converts to Christianity does not cease to be a Jew. However, Orthodox communities are extremely insular and do not tolerate dissent very well, so that could be what he is referring to. But it's not like the Jews deny Jesus' Messiah-status out of spite. They do have sound theological reasons for not believing. There are many reasons why Jesus is not the Jewish Messiah, only a few of which I have listed above.

Also, how do you gasp - oh, I'm sorry, GASP - in your thoughts?




Oh, of course. Chicken soup. The Jewish Penicillin. (That's what my mom calls it.)

Why didn't she call the hospital before? It's not like Jews are forbidden from seeking medical treatment.

Also, this panel illustrates why Jack Chick should be banned from drawing human faces forever. Not as bad as Chris-chan, but very close.



She really could've called 911 from the start if he's been so sick. Seeing as fluid on the lungs is a sign of congestive heart failure and all.



Apparently, Code Blue is hospitalese for "cardiac arrest."

Also I like the fact that everyone in this tract has the face of a half-melted Barbie doll.



I'm not a medical professional, but isn't this the kind of situation that calls for a defibrillator?



The Kaddish is not a "prayer for the dead." It doesn't even mention death, but instead praises G-d. It is also said in services, though the melody can change. (The Mourners' Kaddish, however, is never sung.)




Don't get me wrong, the G-d of the Torah is an enormous prick. But even he never sends people to eternal hell for not believing in the right faith. And that "Bible quote" he cites as justification... it doesn't really support his ideas at all.

Also, I kind of wonder how this "Book of Life" thing works. If it's anything like "Death Note", then do they just have their full name written in there before the book takes effect? If that's the case, what happens if two people share the same name? At least in the case of the Death Note you have to know their face. There's probably lots of Samuel Waxmans in the world. Why does God need to ask his angel if his name appears there anyway if he's all-knowing?



Wait. Jesus Christ is God and God's son now? I thought God impregnated Mary so that he could incarnate into a suitable demi-god body or something like that.

I... just...

...






... sigh.

http://www.simpletoremember.com/articles/a/jewsandjesus/

This stuff has already been debunked.



Moar of Jack Chick's god's dickiness. You have to be a really fucked-up individual to take a deity that was already an asshole, like the one in the OT, and somehow turn him eviller.



About the "over 9000 five hundred witnesses" thing - there's no independent proof that his death was witnessed, let alone his resurrection. That comes directly from Christian sources, which basically say, "Dude, I totally saw that Jesus guy nailed to a cross and then he rose from the dead! You gotta believe me, 500 other people were there!" That's like if I said, "Of course I have laser vision. Last week I set a national monument on fire, because I'm a jerk like that. Over 800 people saw me do it, so you know I'm right." It's called hearsay, and there's a reason it's not allowed in a court of law.







So basically, even though this tract was directed to convert Jews, it does a better job at mangling basic Jewish theology, ideas, and scripture. As is the case with all Chick Tracts, it's more likely to turn people away from G-d than it is to make them want to convert. If Jack Chick had done a little more research, I might actually be able to take him a little more seriously. However, you cannot argue the point that Jesus fulfills the requirements of the Jewish Messiah, because that flies in the face of years of scholarship and scriptural evidence. By all means feel free to argue that Jesus is the Messiah - but don't try to rely on Jewish scripture to do it. You'll fail horribly. Christianity and Judaism are very different religions. Judaism is not "Christianity lite", mmkay?

THAT IS ALL.

(Might tackle a Halloween tract next, but no promises.)
« Last Edit: March 27, 2012, 08:38:46 pm by Wykked Wytch »
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Offline Random Gal

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2012, 05:53:17 pm »
Most of the images in the last post aren't displaying for me. That said, I'd like to see one of the evolution tracts (either "Big Daddy?" or the one that starts with a dinosaur getting hunted by immediately-post-Flood humans) roasted or maybe do one myself when I finally have the time.

Offline Osama bin Bambi

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #22 on: March 25, 2012, 06:06:55 pm »
I'm wondering why that's happening myself.
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Offline ironbite

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #23 on: March 25, 2012, 07:10:24 pm »
I blame the Jews personally.

Offline myusername

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #24 on: March 25, 2012, 07:12:05 pm »
I did this a while back, rehashed. Where Chick uses 9/11 as a plot device to convert Muslims. Srsly.

TRACT TITLE: Who Cares? (about the worst title you could have picked for a tract about 9/11, Jack.)



They're in the middle of nowhere? Two tower-looking things...are floating in mid-air? What's up with that? And where the hell is the rest of the damned skyline? From the looks of it the plane has a laser beam, but for some reason it fired it behind the two levitating tower-looking things. With laser destructive power, why fly the plane into the building?

Yeah, who cares? Who cares that people flew some damn planes into some buildings? The buildings just totally wrecked the fabulous view anyway! It’s not like it was one of the largest terrorist attacks to take place and 3000 odd people died or anything...



I don’t know, the smoke in this panel just doesn't look that convincing. Why the hell do the towers look 2D?
LIVE on Completely Nondescript News Network, smoke comes down to engulf some middle-of-nowhere blocks drawn by what looks like a five year old.

(I’m not trying to joke about 9/11, it’s just the drawing is so bad.)



"What happens if they're Muslims? The kind of people that give out these tracts will all hate us as they think all Muslims are the same!"



What the hell sort of an angle is that meant to be?
"I'm afraid of what will happen, because those Christian fundamentalist types think Muslim equals terrorist!"



She goes from creepily wide eyed to creepily slitty-eyed in the space of just one panel. Good work, Chick.
Hang on...I've just realised he's a grown man with a job still living with his mother. Why is that?



"He's one of them thar Muzzies, maw!" "Shame on you, you terror-lovin' towelhead!" [/redneckdeepsouthfundie]



His mother is obviously psychic who saw the potential evils in a vision from Allah or something. Either that or the plot's a bit too convenient. And beating him up in a shop just seems like a bad idea. Shops...have CCTV cameras. Morons.
"Batteries"? Why batteries?...odd. Maybe it's a joke: the guy needs batteries and there's been a crime that could be described as assault and battery...haw haw. You're just too clever, Jack. And his speech is so contrived here. "I've got to get some batteries...look, JUST AS I SAY THAT a place where I can buy them comes into view!" Maybe he has the psychic power of Allah as well...



Remember kids, it's bad to beat up Muslims, but it's alright to beat up homos a la Wounded Children.



As a left-winger, I find it incredibly depressing that people in this day and age don’t go to hospital because they don’t have the money. Then again, this may be an accurate point of Chick’s for once.
Why the hell did he pick him up and try to help him there? Surely, anyone with any kind of sense would, y'know, call an ambulance or something.
Ah, this guy definitely has the psychic power of Allah! He can tell which people are infidels just by looking at them! ALLAH AHKBAR!!



"Real Christians wouldn't let the Jews get away with corrupting society and the Aryan race!" said Adolf Hitler.



Cos obviously no Muslims ever have compassion or anything.
"A true prophet cannot LIE." I see where this is going. "And Jesus said he was God and he cannot lie. Haw haw. I win."



The guy nearly died, and now he's being driven somewhere happy as larry? Wouldn't he stay in hospital for a while first? Gah.
Cos Muslims address people by their full names. EVERYONE knows that.




You know what the Modern Version of The Good Samaritan parable would look like, Jack? It would look like this:

One day, a poor young man was beaten by some thugs and left for dead somewhere. Pat Robertson walks by, thinking, "I could help him, but nah, I got to get to the studio to do the 700 Club." A while later, Jim Dobson walks by, deciding, " I'm not going to help this young man. I got America's family values to reclaim!" Next, a hated gay activist and atheist walks past and decides to call an ambulance to get this poor man to hospital, and remains by his bedside until he regains consciousness.



And yet Chick appears to believe that if you commit a murder but repent, you get to heaven, but if you dedicate your lives to helping poor people in Africa but don't accept Christ you get an eternity in hell, a la Flight 144.



Dude, this guy is setting up a false dichotomy. Either Jesus lied about being God, in which case Islam is false as it says prophets don't lie, or Jesus was telling the truth and Islam is thus false. Cos people attributing words to him that he never said is impossible.



The blond guy looks like he's thinking, "I couldn't see before but now I can see you, YOU'RE HOT!"



And then he gets down on his knees...not going there.
Allah means God Jack you ignorant nitwit.



"He doesn't, Omar. But I do." *Censored panel with kissing scene*



How does rising from the dead prove you are God? Are people who are resuscitated using CPR also God?



What's with the silhouettes? They are just totally random and contribute nothing to the plotline at all.
My paradise is better than your paradise!



The “Allah doesn't care about any Muslim” bit implies that Allah is real, just that he couldn't give a crap. That’s heresy!
He went home and told him mother he'd become a Christian. Then she went wide-eyed like in the first panel.



Bible God didn't show you what he thought of Islam. Last time I checked the Bible was written BEFORE the Qur’an. Not unless Chick has some serious delusions of grandeur, and thinks he's God or something.
Read your Bible (KJV) --Because ALL other versions are translated by sodomites!!! Wait a minute...

Offline MadCatTLX

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #25 on: March 25, 2012, 07:59:40 pm »
At first I was shocked he knew Muslims believe in Jesus. Then he turns around and doesn't realize Allah is Arabic for God, and that they are technically the same person. In the last one it says Jesus was buried. He wasn't, he was put in a cave sealed with a large ass rock.
History is full of maniacs, my friend, men and women of intelect, highly perceptive individuals, who's brilliant minds know neither restraint nor taboo. Such notions are the devils we must slay for the edification of pony-kind. Even if said edification means violating the rules of decency, society, and rightousness itself.
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Offline TheL

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #26 on: March 25, 2012, 08:01:14 pm »
Here's one from myself.  "Allah Had No Son."


Ah, the title.  The only factually-correct thing about the entire damn tract.


Wow.  Most anti-Muslim morons don't reach depths of idiocy and offensiveness this great.


Characterizing people as hateful and warlike isn't exactly going to help convert those people to your cause.


That's right, folks!  Allah isn't the same person as God, despite literally meaning "god!"  Just like Mexicans worship some guy named "Dios."


Sir, you are full of SHIT.  Here's where the crescent moon symbol really comes from:

Quote
In ancient times, Diana was the patron goddess of Byzantium (later Constantinople).  The crescent moon became the banner of the city, and remained so even after the Roman Empire converted.  The Byzantine Empire retained the crescent as the symbol of the city even after it was taken by the Ottoman Empire in the 12th century.  The star was added at about this time.  The crescent-moon-and-star, as symbols of the Ottoman Empire, were also incorporated into the flags of many formerly Ottoman territories, which are (surprise!) in the Middle East.  However, this is not a Muslim symbol.  Islam has nothing to do with the moon, or with any moon-related deities, whatsoever.


That's right, folks, finding old idols that pre-date Islam proves stuff about Islam!  Just like finding the Venus of Willendorf in an area that is now strongly Christian proves that Christians actually worship a fertility goddess! It all makes sense!


Dude, not only did you draw Mohammed, but you depicted him as roasting in hell.  If the Muslim readers were angry before, they're going to be PISSED now.

Other things about Islam that are deliberately ignored by Chick:
Quote
- Islam has no concept of original sin, and thus no need for the messianic sacrifice on which Christianity depends;
- Muslims believe that both Jesus and Mohammed were great prophets, but not that either of them was divine;
- The Quran is very deliberately based on the Jewish and Christian mythos.  Jesus is believed to have been born of the virgin Mary, and to have performed miracles, by Muslims AND Christians.

When someone who is not Muslim and knows very few Muslims can so easily poke holes in your argument, you're doing it wrong.
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Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #27 on: March 25, 2012, 08:02:16 pm »
At the "Who Cares" comic

Well, I give Jack Chick 2 points for trying to avoid being islamophobic and actually pointing it out as being bad.

And then -20 points for perpetuating stereotypes about Muslims that are spewed by islamophobia.

And then another -20 points for "ALLAH HAD NO SON"
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Offline MadCatTLX

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #28 on: March 25, 2012, 08:25:19 pm »




We should email this to a bunch of people in Saudi Arabia and watch what happens. No, really, I want to see someone do that.

At the "Who Cares" comic

Well, I give Jack Chick 2 points for trying to avoid being islamophobic and actually pointing it out as being bad.

And then -20 points for perpetuating stereotypes about Muslims that are spewed by islamophobia.

And then another -20 points for "ALLAH HAD NO SON"

Stereotypes like "all Muslims own convenience stores"?
History is full of maniacs, my friend, men and women of intelect, highly perceptive individuals, who's brilliant minds know neither restraint nor taboo. Such notions are the devils we must slay for the edification of pony-kind. Even if said edification means violating the rules of decency, society, and rightousness itself.
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Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #29 on: March 25, 2012, 08:40:03 pm »
Like all Muslims call any non-Muslim "infidel" like it's a tic.
Mockery of ideas you don't comprehend or understand is the surest mark of unintelligence.

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