Author Topic: Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR  (Read 20111 times)

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Offline DharmicDalek

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Let's Roast Jack Chick! UPDATE: EVERYBODY USE IMGUR
« on: March 24, 2012, 10:29:49 pm »
UPDATE: EVERYBODY JUST UPLOAD THE IMAGES TO IMGUR.

You can't stop the rock, Jackie boy <3
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pURJDToKA0k" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pURJDToKA0k</a>

I fully intend to roast every last one of Jack Chick's bullshit comics, one by one, for your entertainment. I'm starting with one that hits close to home for me, but you guys can give me requests for comics you want me butcher. For the record, I admire Jesus as a person and respect Christians. I don't hate anybody. Life is too short for that. But Jack's theology is as it is, so I will be railing on that.

Today's Episode: YOU BETRAYED SHIVA! or: How I learned to stop worrying and love cultural imperialism!
Today's Strip: The Traitor
Today's Theme Song: Cutty Ranks - Limb By Limb (Dj SS Mix) *Yes, every one of these will have a theme song.*
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9-pLuDSTbc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9-pLuDSTbc</a>

Ok, I admit this one is a personal topic; as a Hindu, and as a worshiper of Kali, this is the crass level of bullshit  and ignorance I would come to expect from the bastard. Now, Kali is an outwardly scary deity, but I will explain her just enough for you guys to follow. This is Religion and Philosophy, not Preaching and Worship. Hindu's don't proselytize, and even if they did, I am sure as hell not in a position to preach anything to anybody from any kind of moral high ground. Also, it's annoying. If you want to skip, ignore everything in the quote.

Quote
(boring lesson)
This is Kali.

Yes, she's looks fucking scary. But no, she is not evil. Everything in that image has symbolic meaning, from the head in her hand *the human ego, defeated * to the arms *the sum of all human effort*. She is regarded to be a motherly goddess and all of that scary shit is to get us to stop fearing death. If I had to sum her up quickly, I'd say she is very much the concept of time, in birth death rebirth. If you want to learn more, you can ask me or refer to this
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnDB31O7-fg" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnDB31O7-fg</a>
(/boring lesson)


Alright, lets get to the meat.



Ok, we start out in a whole mound of shit.

CITATION FUCKING NEEDED. Proof or it literally didn't happen. 

Now, yes, Kali is a s SPOOKY GRIMDARK goddess, but she is most like hindu deities, moral. You murder your child for any reason and it's karmic suicide, causing your standing with whatever deity you to bomb harder then New Coke. And nobody speaks of New Coke, do they? Rogue "Black Tantra" practitioners, mostly to get money for the black deed, sometimes commit human sacrifice; but the preferred sentence for that in India is the death penalty. Nobody tolerates their shit



DHALSIM NOOOOO!

Murder for any reason is never tolerated in Hinduism, and if you are killing in a deity's name you get what comes to you. Police in India have corruption issues,  but just like us they find the concept morally repugnant, and if this really happened I could tell you, he would have a trial.

Yes, goats are sacrificed to Kali, mostly in Bengal. It is not a universal practice; I have heard stories of Kali worshipers in other parts of India thinking it was a western lie until they saw the videos and pictures. It's supposed to be symbolic of destruction of lust; IMHO we can do that by keeping our pants on and leaving the goats out of it.

   

ROCKS FALL EVERYONE DIES!Seriously you needed TWO panels for that?


Kali, a wrathful jealous deity? Nah. Hindus don't "do" group punishments.

Jehova, however....

Jeremiah 1:16 "And I will utter my judgments against them touching all their wickedness, who have forsaken me, and have burned incense unto other gods, and worshipped the works of their own hands. "
Jeremiah 2:30 2:30 In vain have I smitten your children; they received no correction: your own sword hath devoured your prophets, like a destroying lion.
Jeremiah 16:10-11 And it shall come to pass, when thou shalt shew this people all these words, and they shall say unto thee, Wherefore hath the LORD pronounced all this great evil against us? or what is our iniquity? or what is our sin that we have committed against the LORD our God? Then shalt thou say unto them, Because your fathers have forsaken me, saith the LORD, and have walked after other gods, and have served them, and have worshipped them, and have forsaken me, and have not kept my law

:3 Your god is a monster, Mr. Chick. Mine is just goth. Live with it.



That would be a nice picture, but it is DURGA who rides on a tiger/lion. Fail, -20% on your final grade.



Let it be known you it is thought you can get powers with Yoga in Hinduism, but they only get in the way of spiritual growth. Also, Kali is above all a protector of women. If you abuse your wife, physically, verbally, emotionally, to the point she can't even LOOK YOU IN YOUR EYES as a priest of Kali, expect thunderbolts.



Shiva and Kali are a married couple, with Shiva being the husband, and the goddess, in the form of Parvati/Durga/Kali. If a Shaivite (Shiva worshiper) had an issue with a Shakta (Goddess Worshiper) they'd talk it over with tea, and if the Shakta was trying to kill the Shavite's child, you could bet your ass she'd be pissed.



Where is Jehovah? Doesn't he love Children? Oh, I forgot, non-Christian children aren't human in his eyes <3



I'd agree, but we Hindu's have a secret, which prevents most inter-faith issues. We value our deity as the primary face of god, but any other deity is just as valid as just another form of the primary deity, which in turn is the main "visible" form of God. Hinduism, is in that odd way, monotheistic.



LOL, the people with the turbans are SIKHS. Sikhs are "truly" monotheistic, with no idols or visual forms of god. A crude way of summing them up, is to think of the monotheism of Islam and the reincarnation, karma, ect of Hinduism. (A Sikh would take offense to that. and say Sikhism is Sikhism and not any other faith, which is correct, but you guy's don't need me to lecture on another boring subject.) Another -20%, Mr. Chick. Keep this up and you won't have a summer vacation this year. <3


Lol, stronger force then Kali. It couldn't be Jehovah, who let the heathen children die, could it? No, it's PLOT IMMUNITY! Nothing is more dangerous then a Retard with Plot Immunity.



You know, Kali is most famous for killing demons. In fact, all the body parts on her body where evil demons who threatened existence. I'd say she kicked your ass cause you are, you know, MURDERING CHILDREN! She is as much a protector of children as women.



Oh, look. IT'S MIGHTY WHITEY. FUCK YOUR SIX THOUSAND YEAR OLD CULTURE, WE HAVE EVERYTHING RIGHT. WE WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR BACKWARDS PAGAN WAYS.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/1021681/The-Artificial-Famine-Holocaust

3 million in WW2
One third of Bengal in 1780
17 million in Western  India in the 1890s.

Oops. 

"We will know us by our love...."

Jesus does not need weapons. He has Christians. <3



He doesn't demand blood sacrifices. He takes them. Again. and again, and again and again. Jehovah loves us, but he will kill us if we piss him off.  Kali protects the weak and kills demons. No contest.



I'm just going to say, if Kali wanted somebody dead, they'd be dead. No need for a human committing murder. Again, where was Jehovah 's love protecting the children in this?



Jehovah loves his children like a Rapist loves his victims.


God let Satan fuck humans over. Remember that.
Quiz, which one of these deities we have been talking about PROTECTS the world from demons?


In Hinduism, you have endless lifetimes to get your shit together. If you fuck up royally , you can go to Hell, but only temporally.  If you don't say a magic spell in Christianity and believe it, you will go to hell forever, even if you are saintly. "God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." He sure is fucking willing to throw us into hell. Which god is the monster here?



So god cannot forgive mankind unless he murdered his own son for....They never explain why Jesus needed to die for our sins, why he could not just forgive us directly. Who is the god loving human sacrifice here?



And Ramu gets away with child murder forever and ever, the end. Awwww <3



I love how this implies that Jews are an imperfect prototype. Why did god even bother with them if Jesus is Savior, Chick? They never have a good answer to that.

That was physically painful to do. But I am glad I did it.


Ok, that was my pet comic. I am sure you all have favorites. List your favorites and I will roast them too! 
 
« Last Edit: March 26, 2012, 09:43:44 pm by DharmicDalek »

Offline nickiknack

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2012, 10:55:33 pm »
For some reason reading that tract, it looks as if Chick got his information from Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom. Oh do any tract where the message is playing D & D leads to Witchcraft/Satanism, those are always funny.

Offline MadCatTLX

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2012, 11:10:00 pm »
I remember one that had a little kid that looked like a Nazi telling a "high priest"(or something),who was wearing what looked like a jester costume, that his parents were Christians. The authorities in this dystopian future come to arrest them but they find nothing because of the rapture. It was fucking funny as hell to read. I don't remember the name, but if you find it please do that one.

A guy I used to watch on YouTube who went by Darknessthecurse did a video on it once, though he has since got banned (for bullshit copyright claims) and had to make a new account, twice. I think whatever his new account is has some of his old stuff on it if you want to look.
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Offline Osama bin Bambi

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2012, 11:12:51 pm »
...Wow, that was epic. I'm glad we have a person with more knowledge of Hinduism on the boards, because to be honest I had a few misconceptions too.

Quote
Your god is a monster, Mr. Chick. Mine is just goth. Live with it.

You win the internet. Shiva sounds like a badass.




I'm not religious buuuut I am interested in theology of various religions. I also don't understand why Christian fundamentalists like Jack Chick think Judaism is an "imperfect prototype", as you put it, because in my humble opinion the Jewish cosmology makes a shitload more sense (morally and logically) than the Christian one. I realize that's not saying much, but y'know. For a religion with no exact doctrine on the afterlife, it somehow does a better job at tying up loose ends than the morally questionable religion that pardons child murderers but sends non-believing "Good Samaritans" to eternal "punishment."

Maybe I'll tackle one of Chick's Jewish tracts soon. It's funny because even though I was born Jewish I'm not religious and don't keep major holidays much, if at all. But for a man who says that the Jews were the Chosen People, he basically regards us as a Biblical plot device. And that kinda pisses me off.
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Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2012, 11:38:40 pm »
Your post was very informative.  Thank you for it :3

Also, an excellent roast.  You dismantled that stupid comic of his so easily that it's pathetic on his part.
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Offline Osama bin Bambi

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #5 on: March 25, 2012, 12:09:51 am »
This is "The True Path". According to Chick, its message was made especially for Native Americans. How, you may ask? Well, it's told entirely in pictures. As if those savage heathens can't read.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1710/1710_01.asp

It's based off of a tract for children called "One Way!".

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0081/0081_01.asp

Need I say more?
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Offline Thejebusfire

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2012, 12:23:11 am »
The moral of the story is that brown people are horrible baby killing monsters and need the white savior to stop them.

Edit: Because no one has ever killed their child for god.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2012, 12:48:54 am by thejebusfire »

Offline SpaceProg

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2012, 12:38:36 am »
Quite a few here know that I consider myself a Christian, but Chick's God/Jesus is NOT the same God/Jesus that I believe in, and do my best (as that's all I can do) to live by.
I know this isn't the worship thread, but I just thought I'd say that.   

Awesome roast, Dharmic.  I lol'd and learned something too. :)  That's always good.

MOAR.  ...Plz?

Offline DharmicDalek

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2012, 01:22:40 am »
Quite a few here know that I consider myself a Christian, but Chick's God/Jesus is NOT the same God/Jesus that I believe in, and do my best (as that's all I can do) to live by.
I know this isn't the worship thread, but I just thought I'd say that.   

Awesome roast, Dharmic.  I lol'd and learned something too. :)  That's always good.

MOAR.  ...Plz?

Oh I respect you for it. I have nothing against Christianity. If the bus would have taken me the church I may have well might have been a Quaker.  I know he is not Representative of Christianity. I am taking issue with HIS god. The god we all worship is the same deity in Hinduism.  He clearly worships himself.

   

Offline SpaceProg

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #9 on: March 25, 2012, 01:27:59 am »
That's cool :) 
A coincidence too, as I'm non-denominational, one day I took a very in-depth religion test, and ended up testing very strongly as a Quaker.  Pretty cool.

EDIT: Liberal Quaker, to be exact.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2012, 01:41:15 am by SpaceProg »

Offline Morgenleoht

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2012, 01:33:35 am »
Nicely done, Dharmic!

I'm surprised he hasn't touched Norse paganism yet...
Fundie Neighbour: "Pagans don't feel things the same way Christians do."

Me: "Just remember what the Vikings used to do to Christians that annoyed them."

Offline Witchyjoshy

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2012, 02:59:00 am »
Nicely done, Dharmic!

I'm surprised he hasn't touched Norse paganism yet...

He might offend his racist friends if he tried to do that, since he'd have to attack it from that ground.
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Offline Morgenleoht

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2012, 03:34:28 am »
Heh, good point.
Fundie Neighbour: "Pagans don't feel things the same way Christians do."

Me: "Just remember what the Vikings used to do to Christians that annoyed them."

Offline clockworkgirl21

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2012, 03:49:24 am »
Funny post, but aren't you supposed to like the person you're roasting?  :P

Offline DharmicDalek

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Re: Let's Roast Jack Chick!
« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2012, 03:54:14 am »
Funny post, but aren't you supposed to like the person you're roasting?  :P

I was going to call it  "Let's butcher Jack Chick" but I don't want the FBI banging on my door. :S

lol