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Rubbish => Preaching and Worship => Topic started by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 04, 2012, 08:29:47 pm

Title: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 04, 2012, 08:29:47 pm
So I posted about my grandma making a prayer over a fucking video game cartridge, and shortly after, I thought of this thread.

This thread is dedicated to all of the most inane and petty fucking prayers you've heard that just make you want to raeg.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Lithp on February 04, 2012, 08:45:21 pm
Any time someone prays for my salvation or what the fuck ever. Most notably that time on RR where the guy prayed God would break what I assume is my legs.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 04, 2012, 08:50:13 pm
Any time someone prays for my salvation or what the fuck ever. Most notably that time on RR where the guy prayed God would break what I assume is my legs.

Wow.  I would be surprised, but like I said in my OP, my grandma fucking prayed over a fucking NES cartridge, and then when I made sure to press on the cage to be sure there was a good electrical connection, she said "Thank God!"

If this weren't so religious in nature, I'd have put this in F&B.  I just...really need a session in the angry dome right now.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Art Vandelay on February 04, 2012, 11:09:24 pm
That's God for you. He doesn't give a shit about famine, war, human trafficking (i.e. slavery) or any of that good stuff, but damned if he's going to stand by and let some old lady have to restart her NES before she can play Mario Bros.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Eniliad on February 04, 2012, 11:11:24 pm
When I was a Xian, I said a lot of stupid fucking prayers over the stupidest shit. I can't recall them off the top of my head, but it was mundane things like finding missing items, doing well on tests, etc... I would pray for more important things too, but the stupid shit just makes me facepalm.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: The Right Honourable Mlle Antéchrist on February 04, 2012, 11:32:46 pm
One of the dumbest I've heard involved a person who was late for work, so they prayed for light traffic and no red lights.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 05, 2012, 02:22:50 am
When I was little my grandmother told me that we should pray to God before we go to bed so that he'll make the sun rise tomorrow, because where does the sun go when we're not looking at it?
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Eniliad on February 05, 2012, 02:43:27 am
When I was little my grandmother told me that we should pray to God before we go to bed so that he'll make the sun rise tomorrow, because where does the sun go when we're not looking at it?

(http://gifs.gifbin.com/1238157980_scanners_-_head_explosion.gif)
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: StallChaser on February 05, 2012, 06:01:46 am
Any form of praying to win a sports game.  For nobody to get injured, I could understand, but not praying to beat the other team.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: TheL on February 05, 2012, 07:53:24 am
Praying for an A on a test you didn't study for.  Saw it a lot in high school.

The other resort of the desperate and lazy was to program cheat sheets into graphing calculators.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: clockworkgirl21 on February 05, 2012, 07:56:49 am
Quote
When I was little my grandmother told me that we should pray to God before we go to bed so that he'll make the sun rise tomorrow, because where does the sun go when we're not looking at it?

My grandma always had to pray, "If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take." I began fearing dying in my sleep.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: SCarpelan on February 05, 2012, 08:15:46 am
Quote
When I was little my grandmother told me that we should pray to God before we go to bed so that he'll make the sun rise tomorrow, because where does the sun go when we're not looking at it?

My grandma always had to pray, "If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take." I began fearing dying in my sleep.
My mother taught us the same prayer. Luckily the Finnish version of the prayer uses an euphemism to refer to dying and uses an old-fashioned phrasing which meant that I didn't really understand it well enough to be afraid. When I grew up a bit and realized the meaning of the prayer I was fairly creeped out by it.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Shane for Wax on February 05, 2012, 09:04:30 am
Goddess I remember that prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

There are apparently a load of other versions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_I_Lay_Me_Down_to_Sleep)
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Askold on February 05, 2012, 01:08:28 pm
I actually like that prayer. I still do it every time before I go to sleep. And occasionally the Lord's Prayer.

But I have never prayed for stuff like passing a school exam or finding my keys etc. It would be kinda silly.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Sleepy on February 05, 2012, 02:17:45 pm
Goddess I remember that prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

There are apparently a load of other versions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_I_Lay_Me_Down_to_Sleep)

I used to say that prayer when I was little, and I was occasionally frightened by the "if I should die before I wake" line. Not sure why I ever said it...probably because after that I did the "God bless mommy and daddy and..." portion, and it made me feel better.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Mira on February 05, 2012, 03:11:00 pm
Am I the only person who didn't pray as a Christian?
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: N. De Plume on February 05, 2012, 03:44:22 pm
\
Goddess I remember that prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

There are apparently a load of other versions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_I_Lay_Me_Down_to_Sleep)
Yeah, I was taught the “Angels, watch me through the night, and wake me with the morning light” version. I was quite stunned the first time I heard the “If I die before I wake” one. And it weirds me out that it seems to be the more, uh, “popular” version.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Shane for Wax on February 05, 2012, 05:19:25 pm
Christianity can be rather morbid considering it's supposed to be a child's prayer.

Goddess I remember that prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

There are apparently a load of other versions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_I_Lay_Me_Down_to_Sleep)

I used to say that prayer when I was little, and I was occasionally frightened by the "if I should die before I wake" line. Not sure why I ever said it...probably because after that I did the "God bless mommy and daddy and..." portion, and it made me feel better.

Same thing. It was just an automatic thing my mom said I should say before I went to bed.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Lithp on February 05, 2012, 06:21:13 pm
Ye Gods, that prayer was creepy.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Canadian Mojo on February 05, 2012, 07:47:47 pm
Now I lay me down to sleep
a bag of peanuts at my feet
if I die before I wake
give them to my brother Jake

Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: TheL on February 05, 2012, 11:08:22 pm
Goddess I remember that prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

There are apparently a load of other versions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_I_Lay_Me_Down_to_Sleep)

I had a pillow with the "Guide me safely through the night, Wake me with the morning light" version on it.

Then in elementary school, I learned the "If I should die before I wake" version and freaked out.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 05, 2012, 11:26:51 pm
You know, although you never necessarily hear them pray over it, when people say "Thank God." in general over everyday stuff, you really have to wonder if they're being serious or using a figure of speech.

Also, I know there's that one macro, but I don't feel like finding it.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: nickiknack on February 05, 2012, 11:30:59 pm
(http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTohffDmAmbkG5YnCO5LF9oCFEOBEDIe9G8dLyUMXDk1GckS4wUEBeuz6aH)
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Shane for Wax on February 05, 2012, 11:43:14 pm
You know, although you never necessarily hear them pray over it, when people say "Thank God." in general over everyday stuff, you really have to wonder if they're being serious or using a figure of speech.

Also, I know there's that one macro, but I don't feel like finding it.

You can be assured I am using it as a figure of speech. Even with the 'Thank the Goddess' version. It is however context sensitive too.

If something bad happens yet someone comes out of it okay then Thank the Goddess is serious, not figure of speech, for example.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Eniliad on February 05, 2012, 11:46:34 pm
Many figures of speech in English are Christian in nature, due to the large Christian population that speaks it. I use them too; however, I too assure you that's all I mean by it.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 06, 2012, 12:01:21 am
Many figures of speech in English are Christian in nature, due to the large Christian population that speaks it. I use them too; however, I too assure you that's all I mean by it.

Oh shit.  This reminds me about a big fight I got into with my sister and mom one time as I snarked at a church sign.  I got frustrated and said "Thank God" or something in the figure of speech sense, and this was somehow an indication of personal support for or endorsement of religion or something.  I even remember saying something along the lines of how it was only a figure of speech, and how that's how I was using it.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: N. De Plume on February 06, 2012, 02:01:28 pm
I think I have used the phrase “ye gods” a couple of times on this forum. I use it purely because it enhances the cadence of my statement.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Mira on February 06, 2012, 02:18:25 pm
"Goodbye" is a contraction of "God be with ye"
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Lithp on February 06, 2012, 03:18:40 pm
It sounds like a contraction of "good bye" to me.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Mira on February 06, 2012, 03:31:11 pm
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=good-bye (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=good-bye)
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Hades on February 06, 2012, 03:41:39 pm
It sounds like a contraction of "good bye" to me.

You have a snail for a face.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Old Viking on February 06, 2012, 08:48:18 pm
I'll share my favorite pukey prayer tomorrow, God willing.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Smurfette Principle on February 06, 2012, 09:41:12 pm
My church, after we merged with another church, had the most godawful "community prayer" ever that we all had to say at the end of each mass. It had shit like "bless us as we learn to trust each other" (because reminding everyone that we hate merging every single Sunday is totally going to foster trust) and "we vow to protect the sanctity of life" (because having a political message in a prayer is completely logical). It was also about twice as long as a normal prayer and written using the most boring language ever.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Lithp on February 07, 2012, 02:05:56 pm
I reject your reality, & substitute my own.

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Radiation on February 07, 2012, 06:09:40 pm
Goddess I remember that prayer. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.

There are apparently a load of other versions (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Now_I_Lay_Me_Down_to_Sleep)

I had a pillow with the "Guide me safely through the night, Wake me with the morning light" version on it.

Then in elementary school, I learned the "If I should die before I wake" version and freaked out.

I'm not actually freaked out by that prayer, I actually found it comforting as in, if something should happen to me when I sleep (as it could happen that I could die in my sleep at any age) then I hope the Lord would take me in. Although I don't use it now as I don't really pray except for if I'm going through some tough times.

Edited: Yay for sleep deprivation! I wrote "if something should happen to me when I die" instead of "when I sleep."

Now "Rock a Bye Baby?" That song creeps me the fuck out.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Osama bin Bambi on February 08, 2012, 11:10:38 pm
You've gotta admit that the creepy bedtime prayer was great in "The Sandman" by Metallica.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Shane for Wax on February 09, 2012, 04:15:12 am
There's another song that has a similar sound to that part of the Metallica song.

Fuck if I can remember the name of the song or the band though. It pops up on Pagan Pentagram Radio from time to time and I always forget to snag the information.

Oh, here it is (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVxJjkC8V14). It may not be as similar as I thought...
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Jack Bauer on February 09, 2012, 06:13:32 am
This puts me in mind of the scene in the M*A*S*H movie in which the padre is blessing a jeep.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: N. De Plume on February 09, 2012, 08:57:49 am
This puts me in mind of the scene in the M*A*S*H movie in which the padre is blessing a jeep.
Well, at least a properly functioning jeep in the middle of a warzone is can be a matter of life and death. I wouldn’t call that a petty concern, even if I don’t believe the blessing to be actually useful.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: MaybeNever on February 09, 2012, 08:38:08 pm
I have a client who suffers from frequent compulsions to do various things, so far mundane but in theory they could be dangerous. At the minimum they make it difficult for him to integrate socially, and the long-term potential for causing problems is pretty significant.

His mom's solution is for him to isolate himself and pray whenever they come up, which isn't the worst advice in the world but is possibly the least useful advice ever given. Like most prayer it creates the illusion of doing something without actually doing anything, and as a result I can't really create any kind of appropriate replacement behaviors because she's so wedded to him praying away the problem.

Not exactly a petty prayer, I guess.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: myusername on February 10, 2012, 03:14:12 pm
Any form of praying to win a sports game.  For nobody to get injured, I could understand, but not praying to beat the other team.

Agreed. It's a bit of an insult to the supreme deity of the universe that with everything that's actually important going on, that he/she/it cares about the result of Stoke v Swansea.
Then again, maybe God dicks with the results just to mess up people's pools bets...;)
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: MadCatTLX on February 12, 2012, 10:10:31 pm
FUCK! someone beat me to the macro and an Enter Sandman reference. Since I wasn't really religious as a kid, despite going to a preschool at a church that taught mostly religious shit. I believed evolution was a shit ton more logical at 6 or 7. So lacking any religious upbringing I didn't realize that was an actual prayer when I first heard it listening to Enter Sandman. I would think it would terrify a young child.

Dreams of war,
Dreams of lies,
Dreams of dragons fire
                             -My favorite line of Enter Sandman
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 12, 2012, 10:31:16 pm
It sounds like a contraction of "good bye" to me.

You have a snail for a face.

Just because so many people seem to love derailing, and because I'm feeling like being a hypocrite, I'm going to attempt to derail this thread by talking about snails.  The only thing is, should I talk about the lanky pony or the creature?  For that matter, maybe I should abandon that idea and we can talk about hypocrisy for no real reason.

I like cats.  Let's talk about those.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: sandman on February 12, 2012, 10:58:39 pm
OK, time for the real "Enter Sandman."

/mod kilt on

Knock it the fuck off with the deliberate derails. In this thread or any other. It's getting real fucking old, real fucking fast.

/mod kilt off
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: MadCatTLX on February 12, 2012, 11:02:50 pm
OK, time for the real "Enter Sandman."

/mod kilt on

Knock it the fuck off with the deliberate derails. In this thread or any other. It's getting real fucking old, real fucking fast.

/mod kilt off

Who's that directed at? I assume B-man but I'm just making sure since I've (accidentally) derailed a couple threads recently.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Radiation on February 12, 2012, 11:04:57 pm
It's directed at B-Man apparently.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 12, 2012, 11:13:40 pm
OK, time for the real "Enter Sandman."

/mod kilt on

Knock it the fuck off with the deliberate derails. In this thread or any other. It's getting real fucking old, real fucking fast.

/mod kilt off

So I'm not the only one who dislikes derails.  I should point out that there's a really thin line between deliberate and unintentional, although that hardly matters when it comes to annoyance.  Yes, mine was a bit more blatant in it's intent than others, but I sure don't see you bitching about other derails intentional or otherwise.  Also, I've been told to "get over" those.  Don't you know?  Derailing is part of the FSTDT community!

Now, back to the actual topic.  This isn't quite a prayer, but I've seen a bumper sticker that I don't quite recall fully.  The gist of it was "the Denver Broncos are God's team."  Maybe it was joking, but I found the humor of it lacking.

By the way, if you want to discuss the derail attempt further, take it into my derail rant, mmkay?
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: ironbite on February 12, 2012, 11:51:09 pm
Look dude there's derails that just happen and then...there's that.

Ironbite-that's more annoying.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: sandman on February 13, 2012, 10:44:53 am

So I'm not the only one who dislikes derails.  I should point out that there's a really thin line between deliberate and unintentional, although that hardly matters when it comes to annoyance.  Yes, mine was a bit more blatant in it's intent than others, but I sure don't see you bitching about other derails intentional or otherwise.  Also, I've been told to "get over" those.  Don't you know?  Derailing is part of the FSTDT community!

....

By the way, if you want to discuss the derail attempt further, take it into my derail rant, mmkay?

/mod kilt on

First, you will note where in my warning, which is not specifically directed at you, I indicated that I want it stopped in this OR ANY OTHER THREAD, so kindly put down your little persecution cross.

Second, don't presume to instruct me where I may or may not address issues. That is my decision, and I will address issues when and where they arise. So after you've put down your persecution cross, you can put down your condescension crucifix, too.

It takes a bit to get on my bad side, and you're not there yet, but you are walking down the path that leads there....

/mod kilt off
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 13, 2012, 11:19:55 am

So I'm not the only one who dislikes derails.  I should point out that there's a really thin line between deliberate and unintentional, although that hardly matters when it comes to annoyance.  Yes, mine was a bit more blatant in it's intent than others, but I sure don't see you bitching about other derails intentional or otherwise.  Also, I've been told to "get over" those.  Don't you know?  Derailing is part of the FSTDT community!

....

By the way, if you want to discuss the derail attempt further, take it into my derail rant, mmkay?

/mod kilt on

First, you will note where in my warning, which is not specifically directed at you, I indicated that I want it stopped in this OR ANY OTHER THREAD, so kindly put down your little persecution cross.

Second, don't presume to instruct me where I may or may not address issues. That is my decision, and I will address issues when and where they arise. So after you've put down your persecution cross, you can put down your condescension crucifix, too.

It takes a bit to get on my bad side, and you're not there yet, but you are walking down the path that leads there....

/mod kilt off

Thanks for the clarification that it's not just me you're directing this at.  Now, can we get back on topic?

I'm not sure how common it is, but I seem to recall a Simpsons episode where Bart, in his ever selfish nature, prayed for a snow day so he could study for a test.  Of course being a cartoon where you can steer the plot however you want, he got it.  He studied and got a D-.  Well, originally he got an F, but some direct oral knowledge - no, not that kind, pervert :P - allowed his grade to bump up to barely passing.

You all remember that episode, right?  Also, please don't derail this by going on about The Simpsons.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: sandman on February 13, 2012, 12:09:05 pm
Wasn't there an episode of M*A*S*H where Frank Burns where he decided to test God by praying each night and seeing if it came true the next day? If I recall correctly Hawkeye mocked him because apparently his prayer was that they have chocolate pudding at dinner.

Oh, and kudos to B-Man for letting it drop without further drama or attitude. You get an exalt.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 13, 2012, 12:17:39 pm
I can't say I was old enough - or hell, born - to catch M * A * S * H during its original airing, and I can't call myself a TV Land junkie either, so I don't recall that episode.  He was praying for pudding?  Wow.  The sad thing is that while that was likely played for laughs, it's not that far from reality - or so I imagine.  Considering that my OP cited my grandma praying over a cartridge, I'd say it's not. >.<
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Star Cluster on February 13, 2012, 01:35:57 pm
While not technically a prayer, I loathe athletes thanking God or Jesus for a victory.  It seems like every other boxer I've ever seen does this.  He may as well just come out and say "Thank you, God, for letting me beat the shit of this other man."  And it's just as bad in other sports.  Tebowing, anyone?

If, by some chance, there really is a god out there, I certainly would hope that it has more important things to do than influence the outcome of sporting events.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Juna Starrider on February 13, 2012, 01:46:08 pm
Good way to offend people at the dinner table as a kid?

"Yub a dub dub, thanks for the grub!  YAAAAAY GOD!" 

Apparently, my parents thought when you thanked God for providing you with food, you should thank him in the same way you thank Great Aunt Agnes for making you that itchy sweater, and not in the way you than Uncle larry for getting you that comic book series you always wanted.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: Captain Jack Harkness on February 13, 2012, 01:57:29 pm
Good way to offend people at the dinner table as a kid?

"Yub a dub dub, thanks for the grub!  YAAAAAY GOD!" 

Apparently, my parents thought when you thanked God for providing you with food, you should thank him in the same way you thank Great Aunt Agnes for making you that itchy sweater, and not in the way you than Uncle larry for getting you that comic book series you always wanted.

Funny.  Last I checked, God is neither a chef nor a food company.  He doesn't even earn the money with which you buy the groceries or fast food you eat on a daily basis.
Title: Re: Petty Prayers
Post by: SpaceProg on February 13, 2012, 02:37:55 pm
I do admit to praying a bit before races I watch... but it's usually for everyone's safety and wellbeing. 

A Daytona 500 win for Mark Martin would be a definite plus, should God decide to throw that one in just cuz, though...