Author Topic: Wishes Will Be Corrupted  (Read 364185 times)

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Offline N. De Plume

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #390 on: February 15, 2012, 07:07:31 pm »
Granted. You now have a whole new image of Phelps: the thong is removed, he has a perpetual erection and is staring at you with the creepiest “Come Hither” look this side of the Far Realm.

I wish for a life of adventure.
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Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #391 on: February 15, 2012, 11:26:12 pm »
Granted, but you fall into a bottomless pit for eternity.

I wish that I could see through walls.
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Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #392 on: February 16, 2012, 02:57:34 am »
Granted, but Fred Phelps has moved in next door to you and all you see is him wandering around naked with a perpetual erection or trying on thongs.

I wish for a happy happy joy joy moment every day.
Part wolf, part pirate.



“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #393 on: February 16, 2012, 03:11:28 am »
Granted, but it can only be triggered with daily make-out sessions with both Bill O'Reily and Fred Phelps (20 minutes minimum for each of them, tongue is naturally a requirement).

I wish for cheese.

Offline Scotsgit

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #394 on: February 16, 2012, 07:10:45 am »
Granted, but it's of the dick cheese variety and can only come form Phelps.  Here, tongue is also a requirement.

I wish I owned a half-track
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Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #395 on: February 16, 2012, 09:37:56 am »
Granted but it is a Nazi scientist built time machine from 1945 - one day you are cruising down Sauciehall Street and the autoreturn mechanism triggers. You find yourself in Berlin, April 1945, and the Russians are coming.

I wish for Long Island Iced Tea!
Part wolf, part pirate.



“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

Offline N. De Plume

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #396 on: February 16, 2012, 10:00:19 am »
Granted. Except it was left sitting out too long and, as a result, instead of “iced,” it is merely “lukewarm and watered down.”

I wish I had a pet snake.
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Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #397 on: February 16, 2012, 11:04:23 am »
Granted. Your snake becomes your perfect companion. You are inseparable (no, this is not another iteration of the 'Nate and lever' joke!). You go on a hiking holiday in the high desert. The nights are very cold and your snake, who you have named Plissken, slithers into your sleeping bag every night and curls up at your feet. Six days into the trip, Plissken meets a lady snake and falls desperately in love. Over the next three days he woos here with an intesnity rarely seen in a reptile. The night of that third day, she succumbs to his scaley charms and follows him to the foot of your sleeping bag. There is much threshing and thrashing around. The foot of the bag is insufficient to contain their anguine (look it up) passion - their writhing coils make their gradual way to the head of the bag - where they get wrapped around your neck and you die from serpent strangulation.

I wish for a cute kitty who I can name Fluffy - after Fluffy the Cosmic Kitten, Creator of all.
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“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

Offline e13

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #398 on: February 16, 2012, 11:07:07 am »
Granted. Your snake becomes your perfect companion. You are inseparable (no, this is not another iteration of the 'Nate and lever' joke!). You go on a hiking holiday in the high desert. The nights are very cold and your snake, who you have named Plissken, slithers into your sleeping bag every night and curls up at your feet. Six days into the trip, Plissken meets a lady snake and falls desperately in love. Over the next three days he woos here with an intesnity rarely seen in a reptile. The night of that third day, she succumbs to his scaley charms and follows him to the foot of your sleeping bag. There is much threshing and thrashing around. The foot of the bag is insufficient to contain their anguine (look it up) passion - their writhing coils make their gradual way to the head of the bag - where they get wrapped around your neck and you die from serpent strangulation.

I wish for a cute kitty who I can name Fluffy - after Fluffy the Cosmic Kitten, Creator of all.
Granted. Your cute kitty hates you. That should suffice.

I wish I was a superhero named Awesome Guy!

Just Having Some Tea, Hanging With My Friends...

Offline Jack Bauer

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #399 on: February 16, 2012, 11:57:26 am »
Granted. Your power is that of Awesomeness. Within a year, everyone, including Fluffy, hates you.

I wish for more interesting flavours for ramen noodles.
Part wolf, part pirate.



“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”   -  Albert Einstein.

Offline N. De Plume

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #400 on: February 16, 2012, 12:19:11 pm »
Granted. If by “interesting,” you mean the last-ditch attempt to tactfully tell someone their food tastes like shit. As in, “Well, that tastes, uh… interesting. Yeah.” (dumps soup out window when cook’s back is turned).

I wish I could get out of that pit I fell into during my life of adventure.
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Offline Scotsgit

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #401 on: February 16, 2012, 01:15:37 pm »
Granted:  You climb out into the house of the lycra thong wearing Phelps.  He then gets to have sex with you as a reward for saving you.*


I wish I lived in a hot country.




*You know, it's just possible that I watch too much porn......
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Offline Her3tiK

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #402 on: February 16, 2012, 01:25:28 pm »
Granted:  You climb out into the house of the lycra thong wearing Phelps.  He then gets to have sex with you as a reward for saving you.*


I wish I lived in a hot country.




*You know, it's just possible that I watch too much porn......
Granted, you live in Syria. Good luck with that revolution.

I wish the US had reliable high-speed rail between it's major cities.
Her3tik, you have groupies.
Ego: +5

There are a number of ways, though my favourite is simply to take them by surprise. They're just walking down the street, minding their own business when suddenly, WHACK! Penis to the face.

Offline Scotsgit

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #403 on: February 16, 2012, 01:42:45 pm »
Granted:  You climb out into the house of the lycra thong wearing Phelps.  He then gets to have sex with you as a reward for saving you.*


I wish I lived in a hot country.




*You know, it's just possible that I watch too much porn......
Granted, you live in Syria. Good luck with that revolution.

I wish the US had reliable high-speed rail between it's major cities.

Granted, but it's in the 00 Hornby range.  You may not get anywhere, but at least you can have fun.

I wish I were a member of an Astartes Legion.
I am serious, and stop calling me Shirley!

Offline ThunderWulf

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #404 on: February 17, 2012, 12:29:56 am »
Granted, but you get immediately kicked out.

I wish that I had a bigger place.
a.k.a. TGRwulf
"hehehehe. you said member." ~ Shepard/Booker
"it's kind of like my right left hand on a sunday every night. How so? It beats the fuck out of me!" ~ Saturn500
"Drinking, fighting, fucking...they basically outlawed 99% of the lifestyle of your typical Irishman.  Much less your typical Viking." ~ RavynousHunter