Author Topic: Wishes Will Be Corrupted  (Read 364474 times)

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Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1335 on: January 04, 2013, 12:29:36 pm »
Granted, but it completely fucks up the speculative nature of the stock market, marketing loses its unholy influence over consumers, the gambling industry evaporates overnight, economies implode and society rapidly recedes back into hunter gathering with a 95% population die-off.

I wish for a 5000V Hunter's Organ to assist with my thrill...

Offline Tolpuddle Martyr

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1336 on: January 04, 2013, 06:12:43 pm »
Granted, but the electric eel possessing the organ is dead!

I wish for a horde Orcs...

...who will not eat, kill or violate me or play soccer with my skull thanks!

Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1337 on: January 04, 2013, 06:21:40 pm »
Granted. They do all those things to your family while you watch. If you try to intervene, they force you to participate.

I wish for a (real) name that isn't so easy to make jokes about.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Offline Sigmaleph

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1338 on: January 04, 2013, 08:17:01 pm »
Granted, your name is awe-inspiring. However, you smell like shit.

I wish for a better job.
Σא

Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1339 on: January 04, 2013, 08:19:12 pm »
Granted. You love your job. You get paid in literal peanuts, though.

I wish the job I put in an application for today goes through.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1340 on: January 04, 2013, 08:30:24 pm »
Granted, but you get your dick jammed in a door on your way to the interview.

I wish the dogs would feed themselves.

Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1341 on: January 05, 2013, 09:21:54 pm »
Granted. They feed themselves on your corpse after you go too long without feeding them.

I wish to get through a single day without feeling suicidal.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1342 on: January 05, 2013, 10:02:32 pm »
Granted. Instead you feel an irresistible urge to eat a bucket of laxatives.

I wish my mouth wasn't so dry.

Offline R. U. Sirius

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1343 on: January 05, 2013, 10:04:13 pm »
Granted. Enjoy your tankard of elephant piss!

I wish for immunity to laxatives.
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If you look at it logically, cannibalism has great potential to simultaneously solve our overpopulation and food shortage problems.

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1344 on: January 05, 2013, 10:41:12 pm »
Granted. Explosive diarrhoea is now the norm for you.

I wish I had more Maltesers.

Offline Random Gal

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1345 on: January 06, 2013, 10:45:09 pm »
Granted, but eating that many Maltesers makes you really sick and you puke up your entire digestive system.

I wish I could shoot laser beams out of my eyes.

Art Vandelay

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1346 on: January 06, 2013, 10:50:07 pm »
Granted. The laser fires from behind your eyeballs and therefore melts them on the way out, rendering you permanently blind and in a hell of a lot of pain.

I wish it wasn't so hot.

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1347 on: January 07, 2013, 03:26:48 am »
Quote
I wish for immunity to laxatives.
Granted. Explosive diarrhoea is now the norm for you.
Wouldn't the correct corruption here be - granted - you die of constipation?

Offline Julian

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1348 on: January 07, 2013, 03:29:15 am »
I wish it wasn't so hot.
Granted, but your heat rash gets worse anyway... There's a river of sweat pooling in your bum crack and your jock itch starts to draw blood.

I wish Windows 8 wasn't waging a war on menus and general functionality.

Offline LeTipex

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Re: Wishes Will Be Corrupted
« Reply #1349 on: January 07, 2013, 03:35:18 am »
I wish Windows 8 wasn't waging a war on menus and general functionality.
Granted. Everybody goes back to the good old days of Windows Me.

I wish to be able to teleport, in a perfectly controled way.