Author Topic: You're probably a fundie if...  (Read 17108 times)

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Offline rtvc2012

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You're probably a fundie if...
« on: January 20, 2012, 03:27:28 pm »
Bringing this thread back as well

- You call for a boycott of electrical and gas services because some of their customers are inevitably homosexuals
- You think the 2nd Amendment originated in the Bible
- You think Jesus was obsessed with abortion and homosexuality and gave precisely fuck-all about helping the poor
- You think all poor people are lazy and deserve to be poor and all rich people are saints who should be admired for how hard-working they are
- When reality and faith contradict, you accuse reality of being wrong
- You tell people they are going to hell for arbitrary offenses like voting Democrat
- You think dark skin and a name like Hussein automatically makes one a Muslim
- You use verses like "I came not to bring peace but a sword" in order to insinuate that Jesus loved war and violence as much as you do
- You think everyone who has ever lived, from Hitler to MLK, deserves eternal torture just for being born, and see nothing wrong with this mindset
- You don't care how stupid/evil/incompitent/batshit crazy a politician is, as long as s/he gives lip service to God and opposes abortion and gay marriage
- You are pro-war, pro-death penalty, anti-healthcare, anti-gun control, pro-genocide, etc...and still claim to be pro-life
- You think being a Republican, and American, and a Christian are all the same thing
- You think Clinton was president on 9/11, Obama was president when the economy tanked, and Bush was president when Bin Laden was killed
- You think you have the right to make a person's life miserable and/or prevent them from marrying the person they love because your religion says their sexual orientation is a sin
- You think being a Christian means hating the same people God hates

Offline Captain Jack Harkness

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2012, 03:36:41 pm »
I have only one to add for now...

- You wholeheartedly believe the phrase "Freedom OF Religion, not Freedom FROM religion"
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Offline Radiation

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2012, 03:44:25 pm »
You get offended if the public school has kids read a book for their literature/English class that clashes with your beliefs.

You cry "persecution!" when new laws against discrimination are made.

You bemoan the decline of morality and blame it on the media and constantly worry about what children are being exposed to.
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Offline Eniliad

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2012, 04:02:20 pm »
Heh, this could easily become like Jeff Foxworthy's "you might be a redneck if" but converted to fundieism.

If you think environmentalism means mowing the lawn... you might be a fundie (actually works for rednecks too... huh).

If you think the Koran is a new Bruce Lee movie... you might be a fundie.

If you end every prayer with "see you soon"... you might be a fundie.

If you think "adventurous sex" means "not missionary through Fruit of the Looms"... you might be a fundie.

If your viewing time of Passion of the Christ surpasses the entire extended Lord of the Rings... you might be a fundie.
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Offline rageaholic

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2012, 04:32:32 pm »
-You constantly complain about the Liberal media and education system brainwashing your kids, but see nothing wrong with telling them that god is watching them and will send them to hell if they misbehave.

-You think Morgan Freeman is the devil for daring to show a god who is not an hateful angry, judgmental, asshole like yourself. 

-You base what you know of evolution on Pokemon, therefore dismissing it as false.

-You think you're one of the few "true Christians" left on this planet and that everyone else is going to hell.

-You see sex in everything, but fail to see the sexual implications of "spanking rituals" for misbehaved kids.

-You find freedom in obeying a spirit. 

-You fight tooth and nail to protect babies when they are in their mothers womb, but once they're out, you treat them as property, believing it's your god given duty to beat the hell out of them when they disobey you. 

Offline Kain

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2012, 05:45:25 pm »
- You think "evolving from monkeys" is more dehumanising than being created from dirt.
In paranoia I find genius / But the ice-dreams have come
with spiritless consequence / A hatchet has been hidden
between my eyes / A hatchet gift-wrapped in paranoia / A
wooden heart never bleeds / A wooden heart never bleeds,
yet inextricable thoughts still weave / Introspection
fabricated for battle / No time has been wasted
/ Neuroleptic seconds marry electroconvulsive hours / In
the cranial freezer, paranoia is the bastard and I
find genius Petrify / Paralyze

Offline jumpingjackflash

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2012, 06:00:39 pm »
You condemn everyone who doesn't have the same faith as yours (or a fellow christian with a different kind of Christianity), yet you praise people like Anders Brievik and Timothy McVeigh

You claim to follow in Jesus' peaceful footsteps, yet you persecute and threaten anyone with a different faith, or doesn't have the same mindset as you.
Ok seriously, is nobody even going to try and avenge my man-burrito?

Offline Captain Jack Harkness

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2012, 06:13:43 pm »
You condemn everyone who doesn't have the same faith as yours (or a fellow christian with a different kind of Christianity), yet you praise people like Anders Brievik and Timothy McVeigh

You claim to follow in Jesus' peaceful footsteps, yet you persecute and threaten anyone with a different faith, or doesn't have the same mindset as you.

As an addendum to the second one, you do such things while simultaneously bitching about how much of a victim you are.

-  You think that you're brave for admitting your a Christian in America, especially if you do so on FB, and try to convince everyone else to copy pasta that shit by asking them if they're "brave" enough to do so too.
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Offline Vypernight

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2012, 06:14:40 pm »
Smacking your wife/gf is okay.  Her reading the 'wrong Bible' is not (true story).
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Offline Auri-El

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2012, 07:26:40 pm »
You think you're being persecuted because one of your co-workers is gay and/or has a different religion, even when they don't talk about it unless asked.

Offline Osama bin Bambi

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2012, 07:28:04 pm »
If you say that the theory of evolution is degrading, but have no problem with the idea that humans are made of dirt
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Offline jumpingjackflash

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2012, 10:14:55 pm »
Also, one thing i forgot:

Most of your arguments in a debate disregards the Treaty Of Tripoli or the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution.
Ok seriously, is nobody even going to try and avenge my man-burrito?

Offline Ranger_Joe

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2012, 02:22:22 am »
-You justify extreme cold beyond the normal range for your area as being evidence AGAINST Climate Change/Global Warming.

-You believe that Jeffery Dahmer is in Heaven because he accepted Christ as his personal savior, but Ghandi is burning in Hell right now.

-You claim to Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner but you relish at the thought of people who oppose your point of view being tortured for eternity in Hell.

-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)

-You believe the Bible is the oldest written text.

-The New Testament is the current set of rules, but Leviticus isn't replaced, because you need anything you can get to fight those icky gays.
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Offline StallChaser

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #13 on: January 21, 2012, 04:40:22 am »
You believe that the existence of the universe somehow proves the existence of God.
You believe that all religions other than your own are actually worshiping Satan in disguise.
You believe that you can pray away all sickness and disease, and that homosexuality is included as one of these diseases.
You believe that freedom of religion doesn't extend to any religion other than your own.
You believe that people of different religions are "abusing" freedom of religion to pick the wrong one.
You believe that anyone who doesn't believe in your religion knows they're wrong, but are rebelling against god.
You believe that everyone is born automatically believing your religion, but modern society corrupts most of them out of it.

Offline Vypernight

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Re: You're probably a fundie if...
« Reply #14 on: January 21, 2012, 04:56:29 am »
-You believe Heaven is essentially, going to be a culmination of all of the Seven Deadly Sins. (No work, Mansions for everyone, anything you want, etc.)


Wow, I never thought of that!
Whenever I hear a politician speaking strongly for or against abortion, all I hear is, "I have no idea how to fix the economy!"