Author Topic: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...  (Read 3615 times)

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Offline Askold

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They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« on: June 11, 2015, 11:28:28 am »
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3119063/Can-scientists-spot-pedophile-Study-claims-likely-physical-deformities-left-handed.html

So in their search for clues as to why people are pedophiles they started listing things like the shape of the ear and dominant hand... Because correlation is the same as causality and judging people based on their appearance and then pre-emptively labeling them as pedophiles is obviously part of modern science.

So the list of things to look out for:

  • Lefties
  • Short people
  • Malformed ears
  • High palate
  • High pitched voice (particularly when talking to women)
  • Men who aren't showing physical attraction to women
  • Furrowed tongue (whatever that means)
  • Low IQ
  • Actually, any anomalies in the face. If you see a weird looking guy assume that they are a pedophile

Unfortunately they did not reveal what skull shape the pedofiles have so phrenology tests may have to wait a while longer.

Oh, they also found some anomalies in the brain and may have found a test that reveals if someone is a pedophile by monitoring their brain activity when they are shown pictures of children. But lets disregard that and focus on accusing people of pedophilia based on their appearance or dominant hand.
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were:
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
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Offline RavynousHunter

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2015, 11:35:43 am »
Hm, and here I thought I just liked short girls.  Turns out my lefty nature makes me a pedo.  Whelp, guess I'm gonna go get chemically castrated or something.  That, or just make a bowl of nachos and watch The Boondocks.
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Offline guizonde

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2015, 11:42:23 am »
Hm, and here I thought I just liked short girls.  Turns out my lefty nature makes me a pedo.  Whelp, guess I'm gonna go get chemically castrated or something.  That, or just make a bowl of nachos and watch The Boondocks.

my leftiness makes me a pedo? oh well, back to playing binding of isaac rebirth... oh, wait...
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Offline Eiki-mun

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2015, 11:42:34 am »
According to this list, gay men and asexual men are both pedophiles, and ain't that something.
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Offline Askold

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2015, 11:50:41 am »
(Just a reminder that I as well am a pedophile lefty)

The only bit that might have scientific value in this study was the study on brain reactions when shown images of kids.

But seeing how stupid the rest of the study is I am not sure if I can trust any of it.

And even then, why aren't they studying the causality between handedness and being the president of USA? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handedness_of_Presidents_of_the_United_States

They say that 30% of pedophiles are lefties but I am seeing much higher correlation with being the POTUS and being lefty than being a left handed pedophile.
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were:
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Aww, you guys rock. :)  I feel the love... and the pitchforks and torches.  Tingly!

Offline RavynousHunter

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2015, 01:01:16 pm »
HA!  Obama's left-handed.  I knew there was a reason I liked him.  Lefty master race!  Crush the inferior right-handed scum!
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Offline Eiki-mun

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2015, 01:43:28 pm »
The Handedness War has begun, and right-handers have fired the first salvo. I will be proud to stand with my left-handed brothers and sisters against this defamation of our character.
There is no plague more evil and vile to watch spread than the plague that is the Von Habsburg dynasty.

Offline Ultimate Paragon

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2015, 01:54:23 pm »
The Handedness War has begun, and right-handers have fired the first salvo. I will be proud to stand with my left-handed brothers and sisters against this defamation of our character.

I'm ambidextrous, so where do I stand?

Offline guizonde

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2015, 02:30:19 pm »
The Handedness War has begun, and right-handers have fired the first salvo. I will be proud to stand with my left-handed brothers and sisters against this defamation of our character.

I'm ambidextrous, so where do I stand?

on the side that pays most.
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Offline Askold

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2015, 02:39:15 pm »
The Handedness War has begun, and right-handers have fired the first salvo. I will be proud to stand with my left-handed brothers and sisters against this defamation of our character.

I'm ambidextrous, so where do I stand?
Like bisexuals you shall take heat from both sides. [/unintended pun]
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were:
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Aww, you guys rock. :)  I feel the love... and the pitchforks and torches.  Tingly!

Offline Eiki-mun

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #10 on: June 11, 2015, 02:52:21 pm »
The Handedness War has begun, and right-handers have fired the first salvo. I will be proud to stand with my left-handed brothers and sisters against this defamation of our character.

I'm ambidextrous, so where do I stand?

You can stand with inferior right handed people like Kim-Jong Un and Greg Abbott, or you can stand with superior lefties like Leonardo da Vinci and Barack Obama. You decide.
There is no plague more evil and vile to watch spread than the plague that is the Von Habsburg dynasty.

Offline RavynousHunter

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #11 on: June 11, 2015, 03:03:28 pm »
Ambidextrous people will be the arbiters of peace between our two camps.  Besides, they can kick both our asses with one hand tied behind their backs...because they're both dominant!
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Offline dpareja

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #12 on: June 12, 2015, 03:13:06 am »
I'm left-footed. Does that count for anything?
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Offline guizonde

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #13 on: June 12, 2015, 09:33:58 am »
I'm left-footed. Does that count for anything?

you play soccer with babies instead of soccer balls.
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Offline RavynousHunter

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Re: They might as well have gone back to phrenology...
« Reply #14 on: June 12, 2015, 12:15:55 pm »
Don't knock baby football, its an excellent way to tenderize the meat.
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