Author Topic: Random Thoughts Thread  (Read 159478 times)

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Offline guizonde

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #270 on: November 03, 2015, 08:21:35 pm »
#icriedbuckets
@ guizonde: I think I like the way you think.
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Offline Sigmaleph

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #271 on: November 03, 2015, 09:24:12 pm »
Hell, this gives me an idea.

Tim was rich. Rich beyond most people's wildest dreams. At the age of five years old, he inherited not only a vast fortune worth billions, possibly trillions, from his late parents, but through some clever legal manipulation on their part, was granted full control over this fortune, as though he was a legal adult. However, Tim possessed a strange quirk. He desired, nay, was compelled in the strongest possible way to give it all away to single man he'd never even met. He knew not why, only that if he didn't do it soon, he would lose all grip on his sanity. He didn't know his name, only that he was a regular poster of FQA under the username "Art Vandelay". Tim knew not why he felt this need, but he knew he had to do it, no matter the cost. His very life depended on it.

The very next day, the transfer was completed, and Tim, though now orphaned and destitute, was finally happy. Unfortunately, that afternoon, he was glassed by a deranged homeless man and left to bleed out in the gutter. He died in severe agony several hours later.

The end.

Right, now if Tumblr is correct, I will be a trillionaire in just five years. Now we play the waiting game.

Sara was born with a superpowered brain and a single purpose: to one day impersonate an Australian who would be given a sizeable fortune of billions or possibly trillions, and then keep it for herself.

Her potential was nearly limitless, but she always felt pressured for time. "Soon", she could be heard muttering. "Soon the opportunity will come, and it might not happen again". Nobody knew why she thought so. Hell, nobody understood her grasp of the financial system, information security and various forms of criminal enterprise, attained even before pre-school. But she was sure that soon, the day would come.

And it did. Some idiot named Tim had chosen to give away his considerable fortune to one "Art Vandelay", based purely on his name in some online forum. She could not understand it, but then, she had drives of her own.

Pretending to be Art Vandelay was trivial. Making sure the money would not see the light of day until she was good and ready even more so. And as soon as the confirmation went through, she could celebrate. At last! Her incredibly specific yet ultimately rather understandable goal had been achieved, at age five no less. She felt like she could do anything she wanted now. Revolutionise any science. Lead any civilization. Take humanity to the next stage in the Kardashev scale. Write a decent fanfic. It was all glorious!

But then she was struck by lightning and died, her potential wasted. The end.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2015, 09:27:00 pm by Sigmaleph »
Σא

Offline Zygarde

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #272 on: November 03, 2015, 09:45:46 pm »
And Sig wins the thread again.

Offline niam2023

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #273 on: November 03, 2015, 09:48:34 pm »
Wait...does that mean all thirteen Forsaken are now running around on Earth!?

Well, 11, given 2 of em I guess ended the Wheel of Time books alive-ish.
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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #274 on: November 03, 2015, 10:00:02 pm »
Hell, this gives me an idea.

Tim was rich. Rich beyond most people's wildest dreams. At the age of five years old, he inherited not only a vast fortune worth billions, possibly trillions, from his late parents, but through some clever legal manipulation on their part, was granted full control over this fortune, as though he was a legal adult. However, Tim possessed a strange quirk. He desired, nay, was compelled in the strongest possible way to give it all away to single man he'd never even met. He knew not why, only that if he didn't do it soon, he would lose all grip on his sanity. He didn't know his name, only that he was a regular poster of FQA under the username "Art Vandelay". Tim knew not why he felt this need, but he knew he had to do it, no matter the cost. His very life depended on it.

The very next day, the transfer was completed, and Tim, though now orphaned and destitute, was finally happy. Unfortunately, that afternoon, he was glassed by a deranged homeless man and left to bleed out in the gutter. He died in severe agony several hours later.

The end.

Right, now if Tumblr is correct, I will be a trillionaire in just five years. Now we play the waiting game.

Sara was born with a superpowered brain and a single purpose: to one day impersonate an Australian who would be given a sizeable fortune of billions or possibly trillions, and then keep it for herself.

Her potential was nearly limitless, but she always felt pressured for time. "Soon", she could be heard muttering. "Soon the opportunity will come, and it might not happen again". Nobody knew why she thought so. Hell, nobody understood her grasp of the financial system, information security and various forms of criminal enterprise, attained even before pre-school. But she was sure that soon, the day would come.

And it did. Some idiot named Tim had chosen to give away his considerable fortune to one "Art Vandelay", based purely on his name in some online forum. She could not understand it, but then, she had drives of her own.

Pretending to be Art Vandelay was trivial. Making sure the money would not see the light of day until she was good and ready even more so. And as soon as the confirmation went through, she could celebrate. At last! Her incredibly specific yet ultimately rather understandable goal had been achieved, at age five no less. She felt like she could do anything she wanted now. Revolutionise any science. Lead any civilization. Take humanity to the next stage in the Kardashev scale. Write a decent fanfic. It was all glorious!

But then she was struck by lightning and died, her potential wasted. The end.

In the aftermath, Dave, yet another five year old financial and IT genius with an oddly specific compulsion suddenly realised it was time to act. All his life, he'd been keeping tabs on Sara's activities, bribing the correct people and hacking and installing back doors into the appropriate networks. All in preparation for this one moment. Upon Sara's death, he used this access to her estate to quietly transfer the money back to Art Vandelay, then spent the rest of his life quietly monitoring Art's fortune, making sure nobody tried to fuck with it again. He asked for nothing in return, for there was no need. Fulfilling this strange compulsion made him happy beyond his wildest dreams. Since then, many other mysterious figures, all for some strange reason born in late 2015, tried to steal the massive fortune for himself. But Dave would have none of it, thwarting their clumsy attempts with ease. He continued ensuring this onslaught was for naught until the end of Art's life, in which he died a very old and extremely rich and powerful man. After which Dave died of herpes.

Oh, I forgot to mention, Dave also completely eradicated all Australian Magpies from existence on November 5th, 2015, allowing Art to finally get some peace and fucking quiet in the mornings. Nobody knows how he pulled it off at just one day old, but somehow he found a way.

The end.

There we go, problem solved.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2015, 12:41:50 am by Art Vandelay »

Offline ironbite

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #275 on: November 03, 2015, 10:07:31 pm »
Rocks fall, everyone dies.

Offline niam2023

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #276 on: November 03, 2015, 11:46:34 pm »
Once upon a time, The Dark Raptor Lord reigned over the peaceful land of Wharsovar, eating peasant boys and then turning their remains into Raptotrons, his malevolent magitech minion mechs. They architected his will, horribly oppressing the people of Wharsovar. He tailwhipped the old king of Wharsovar's castle out of his own castle and declared the old castle renamed Oreinsberg, which meant DESPAIR LAND in the Dark Raptor Lord's native dialect of Raptorese. Except the Dark Raptor Lord heard of a prophecy of a hero who was destined to end his cruel reign over the land, and he was furious! He ordered all young boys, even all young raptors, captured and slaughtered in order to make sure that his destined enemy died years before he was prepared!

A heavily pregnant woman runs out into the night, dressed as an obese city man. She has to keep her child safe. For she knows somehow some way that her child is instrumental. In defeating the dread raptor lord. She is joined by a defecting Raptor Lieutenant named Irongnaw who had his raptor-son torn away from him.

The woman gives birth in a small village which was mostly ignored by the Dark Raptor Lord. Her son's birth results in so many awe-inspiring signs occurring at once that she figures the only name fit for him was simply...Awesome.

And so, eighteen years later, Awesome and Irongnaw venture forth, Awesome having been blessed by the Holy Quatreforce with the Expert Sword and the Greatness Shield. He fights through the five Element Shrines, facing monster servants of the Dark Raptor Lord.

Until finally the time came to defeat the Dark Raptor Lord in Oreinsberg itself! Awesome faces off against Shadow Awesome, his shadow animated by the magic of the Dark Raptor Lord, and ultimately defeats it!

However more of the Dark Raptor Lord's forces arrive, and Irongnaw shouts for Awesome to go ahead, that he'll hold them back! Awesome tearfully says his farewells to the raptor that was once like a cool uncle to him.

And so, entering the castle Awesome fights through the obligatory boss rush, eventually meeting the Dark Raptor Lord in the throne room. The Evil One guffaws and states that despite his misgivings, it truly was destiny to meet here. But first, he made the boy an offer! "JOIN ME, AWESOME! AND I WILL MAKE YOUR FACE THE GRRRRRREATEST IN ALL OF KORADEI!!! Or else you will die!!!"

Awesome defied the Dark Raptor Lord, preparing the Expert Sword for battle, "I will never join you!"

The heroic Awesome fought the Dark Raptor Lord in pitched combat, each blow met with the requisite special effect. Until finally Awesome struck the two swords of the Dark Raptor Lord out of his hands.

"This ends here!" Awesome shouted, spirits soaring.

The Dark Raptor Lord got back to his feet, recognizing the spirit of hope and light that Awesome brought to his lair. "YOU HAVE NOT SEEN MY TRUE FORM YET!!" He underwent a longwinded sequence where he basically turned into a giant manbearpigraptor.

Ironon, his true form's name, did shout in a deep, dark voice, "You have brought LIGHT to my LAIR!?! You must DIE!!"

Ironon seemed invincible as his true form, crushing and smashing and gnashing and bashing everywhere, Awesome's blows barely doing damage where before they had been effective! Ironon even threw his troops at Awesome literally, using them as raptoroid missiles! Ironon however miscalculated his one weakness! Awesome broke the window by accident, and let in light!

Ironon screamed in pain as the light did wound him for some odd reason. Taking heart in the power of light, Awesome channeled the power of the sun itself into his Expert Sword, drawing it forth into a veritable Power Rangers esque finishing move! He slashed once and a massive wave of sun energy crashed into the manbearpigraptor!

Ironon wheezed, laughing defiantly, "YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!" He then fell over and exploded because of course he did. Yet somehow he was not dead. He was back in the desert...still plotting...recovering...plotting his next move.

The Old King returned and everything surprisingly quickly went back to normal. The Old King told a victorious Awesome, "Mah boi, dis peace is what warriors strive for!"

The end.
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Offline Svata

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #277 on: November 04, 2015, 12:37:51 am »
Once upon a time, The Dark Raptor Lord reigned over the peaceful land of Wharsovar, eating peasant boys and then turning their remains into Raptotrons, his malevolent magitech minion mechs. They architected his will, horribly oppressing the people of Wharsovar. He tailwhipped the old king of Wharsovar's castle out of his own castle and declared the old castle renamed Oreinsberg, which meant DESPAIR LAND in the Dark Raptor Lord's native dialect of Raptorese. Except the Dark Raptor Lord heard of a prophecy of a hero who was destined to end his cruel reign over the land, and he was furious! He ordered all young boys, even all young raptors, captured and slaughtered in order to make sure that his destined enemy died years before he was prepared!

A heavily pregnant woman runs out into the night, dressed as an obese city man. She has to keep her child safe. For she knows somehow some way that her child is instrumental. In defeating the dread raptor lord. She is joined by a defecting Raptor Lieutenant named Irongnaw who had his raptor-son torn away from him.

The woman gives birth in a small village which was mostly ignored by the Dark Raptor Lord. Her son's birth results in so many awe-inspiring signs occurring at once that she figures the only name fit for him was simply...Awesome.

And so, eighteen years later, Awesome and Irongnaw venture forth, Awesome having been blessed by the Holy Quatreforce with the Expert Sword and the Greatness Shield. He fights through the five Element Shrines, facing monster servants of the Dark Raptor Lord.

Until finally the time came to defeat the Dark Raptor Lord in Oreinsberg itself! Awesome faces off against Shadow Awesome, his shadow animated by the magic of the Dark Raptor Lord, and ultimately defeats it!

However more of the Dark Raptor Lord's forces arrive, and Irongnaw shouts for Awesome to go ahead, that he'll hold them back! Awesome tearfully says his farewells to the raptor that was once like a cool uncle to him.

And so, entering the castle Awesome fights through the obligatory boss rush, eventually meeting the Dark Raptor Lord in the throne room. The Evil One guffaws and states that despite his misgivings, it truly was destiny to meet here. But first, he made the boy an offer! "JOIN ME, AWESOME! AND I WILL MAKE YOUR FACE THE GRRRRRREATEST IN ALL OF KORADEI!!! Or else you will die!!!"

Awesome defied the Dark Raptor Lord, preparing the Expert Sword for battle, "I will never join you!"

The heroic Awesome fought the Dark Raptor Lord in pitched combat, each blow met with the requisite special effect. Until finally Awesome struck the two swords of the Dark Raptor Lord out of his hands.

"This ends here!" Awesome shouted, spirits soaring.

The Dark Raptor Lord got back to his feet, recognizing the spirit of hope and light that Awesome brought to his lair. "YOU HAVE NOT SEEN MY TRUE FORM YET!!" He underwent a longwinded sequence where he basically turned into a giant manbearpigraptor.

Ironon, his true form's name, did shout in a deep, dark voice, "You have brought LIGHT to my LAIR!?! You must DIE!!"

Ironon seemed invincible as his true form, crushing and smashing and gnashing and bashing everywhere, Awesome's blows barely doing damage where before they had been effective! Ironon even threw his troops at Awesome literally, using them as raptoroid missiles! Ironon however miscalculated his one weakness! Awesome broke the window by accident, and let in light!

Ironon screamed in pain as the light did wound him for some odd reason. Taking heart in the power of light, Awesome channeled the power of the sun itself into his Expert Sword, drawing it forth into a veritable Power Rangers esque finishing move! He slashed once and a massive wave of sun energy crashed into the manbearpigraptor!

Ironon wheezed, laughing defiantly, "YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!" He then fell over and exploded because of course he did. Yet somehow he was not dead. He was back in the desert...still plotting...recovering...plotting his next move.

The Old King returned and everything surprisingly quickly went back to normal. The Old King told a victorious Awesome, "Mah boi, dis peace is what warriors strive for!"

The end.


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Offline Askold

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #278 on: November 04, 2015, 01:36:42 am »
No matter what happens, no matter what my last words may end up being, I want everyone to claim that they were:
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
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Offline niam2023

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #279 on: November 04, 2015, 02:21:59 am »
Should my next one be about dread Askowser and his kidnapping of Princess Even Then?
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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #280 on: November 04, 2015, 02:50:07 am »
With guest star Niam as Luigi.

Offline ironbite

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #281 on: November 04, 2015, 06:26:15 pm »
Did someone write....fanfic about me?

Ironbite-I'm...flattered?>

Offline nickiknack

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #282 on: November 04, 2015, 10:30:39 pm »
I wonder if my bro in law wonders if I use pot, due to my fb postings of late. Fun fact: I've never touched the stuff, I just think the drug war is retarded.

Offline Svata

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #283 on: November 04, 2015, 11:55:39 pm »
Tangentially related: You know, the drug war is just the visible front of America's war on the metric system.
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Offline Ghoti

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Re: Random Thoughts Thread
« Reply #284 on: November 04, 2015, 11:59:51 pm »
Tangentially related: You know, the drug war is just the visible front of America's war on the metric system.
...How?
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